October

October was one month that was the worst of all the months of this year. But thats only in terms of Work. And since my work affected everything else in my life, i should say scattered everything else in my life, i say this is the worst. Even now, despite of all the work i have done i still feel like i am wasting my time today(A Sunday) by blogging and watching videos on youtube. This is how the work is. My lead succeded in making me feel like this. kudos to her. But still sometimes, i follow my heart. I desperately wanted to write. Its worse that i could not even find time to write a blog post on a weekend. And so i am here writing about my hectic October.
The only interesting thing that i have done this month is reading. The first week of this month is not as bad as it is now. So i had a whole sunday for myself. And i finished 3 books or should i say a trilogy. Thats 50 Shades – Grey, Darker & Freed. And i am confused about my opinion on the books. In the beginning of the First book, i loved it. Hated them later. Felt immense pain at some points. But still completed them in a single day(Whole 24 hrs). Then i felt the urge to read something light. That can relieve my brain from the pain and turmoil it went through after 50 shades. But true to the point, i choose to read “Bound By Marriage”. There was nothing refreshing in the book. It is just a lighter version or should i say 1% of 50 Shades. But then i am in no mood to read anything that resembles 50.
Then there came “The Book Thief” to my hands. This was what i need at that moment. And it was a wonderful book. To talk about how wonderful it is, i need to do a whole new post for it. And immediately after that it was “An American Brat”. Though not great, i should say it was interesting. And all of this was during the first week. And then started my days(worse ones), when i worked on weekends-holidays-overtime-earlytime and what not. I have also started reading “3 Parts Desire” in the second week of October and have not been able to move beyond some 25 pages.
This is how my life is. Completely shattered. All i do is WORK WORK & WORK. And what do i get by doing all this? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The money i get for the work is so meagre that it rarely motivates me. And do i love the work atleast? No Again. I am doing this because i got nothing else to do. How difficult everything is. Can’t my life be a little simpler. Thank God, i do not have a boy friend or someone like that in my life. That way, things could have gone worse.
I just want to know what would i love to do. What is that one thing that i would never run away from. That would always keep my interest and passion intact. Why am i into this world. To achieve what? A Big Question again. Hope i find it before i lose the hope of searching for it.
But still, i just think this is my life and it is me living it. So i should be loving it and living it, the way it takes me to. I should be happy that i am letting life to take a natural course. And may be there is a right destination awaiting me. Who knows!!
🙂 Now that i have vented out everything in my brain, i feel ok. And an urge to do things the right way Or Atleast the way i think they are right. I know, donn laugh at me now. I know im the Confused Kaike. But its me. So i love it.
Love… Sahasra.
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