Going on and on in life..

You see, life is something that always surprised me with gifts that i have never asked for and i  just wish it continues doing so.

Sometimes i feel like, nothing is going on in my life with life turning boring enough that i feel like leaving everything & starting things afresh etc. I will be in my best frustrated and depressed mood at these times that no one dares to mess with me when i am in those phases.

And just when such phases are at their peaks, this wonderful thing called fate or life starts throwing its beautiful surprises at me. First, it brings me to the ends, almost breaking me down to bits and then it carefully starts bringing back things together again. It again binds everything so tightly, with beautiful presents, that i happily start living my life again.

I am thankful to life for all this thing. But i always wonder, if the final thing to happen is, getting things together and making me happy, why do you break me in the first place. I never understand this play of yours. May be it is your method of saying that it is all a game and i just need to play along.

I am mostly happy with this game because at times while playing along, i feel like i have met my real self. Suddenly some moments of this play become so precious that i wish time stays still and i get to live those moments forever. All of this makes sense since i get to meet my inner soul, which we all long to meet and feel. It is one of these moments that answers all those questions rotating in your mind. You know, not all answers are a pleasure to hear.  But sometimes, you just need to be happy that, bitter or sweet, you found an answer. Some realizations are hard to face but its good that now you have realized it, u can go search in the direction of the right thing now.

And coming back to me, the past few months are a real test to me and they nearly drained me down to nothing that i started thinking about leaving my job, going back home and starting things afresh. But then life presented me with 2 options of going to Australia for a couple of weeks or going to South Africa for a couple of months. I was totally surprised and really not sure on going abroad at this phase of my life and if i choose to go out, where should i go.

Under normal conditions, i would be overwhelmed on getting these offers and i would have definitely chosen Australia since i have already been to South Africa once. But now, considering my condition of falling down into the depths of depression, thought 2 months of life away from my normal routine would bring me back into life again, revive the life in me and help me catch up with its pace.

And with the burden of all these hopes i landed in South Africa some ten days back and i am happy that i choose SA. The very first chord that struck me is that i would have definitely regretted had i not chosen this place. I thanked god for helping me make that decision.

And as the days passed on, i started having some wonderful experiences, and i went to some very nice places that i have never even thought of going. I am happy with all of these. Then came the bitter parts. People whom i thought are fun to be with, turned out a bit depressing and cranky. I could not stand such people who expected explanations out of every thing i did.

I clearly am not that kind of person who likes explaining everything or reasoning everything that i did. I do things on my wish and i take responsibility for my deeds. I never cry over others thoughts or achievements and nor do i intentionally hurt anyone. I have never been a bad person. And now, when people over-think things and make me feel like i am in the wrong place, i am not going to take the blame on me. I am not that weak to let others make me feel inferior for nothing that i have done. I am a fighter and i stood up for me. And in the process, i realized how strong i can be. And within this period of inner struggle, i realized that i am here for a reason.

It is during those fights within, that i found my real self. I felt it and i am proud of who i am. I am happy and surprised that something so bitter gave me such a wonderful insight of me. I may hate talking and seeing that person for a while, but i know i cannot hate someone for long. Since we have to work together for a while, we eventually will find a way in between. And even if we did not, that is not something that i am going to worry about. I just love the fact that, the situation and its circumstances helped me reassess my path and recheck my priorities again. Though i feel or found that i am not in a very good position with the current changes, i am fine with it. I know, i am going to find my way soon and i would come out with flying colors and a broad smile on my face as always.

I just love the way i fight back and come shining out of real tough situations. I always have this fear of failure, breaking down or getting destroyed. But i realized that, it is this fear of mine that keeps me on toes all the time. That never lets me my guard down and keeps me ready for all the adversity that comes in.

So you see, how life is all about surprising me by presenting me with the opportunities that i could never even think about.

So, Dear Life, Take a bow.

Love you as always

Sahasra

 

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