Trust issues and more

If there is one thing that people around me really need to know about me is that i am a big movie buff and cannot live without watching them. And if i ever take a break from watching movies, it just means that i am in the middle of another Korean drama and cannot think of anything else until i finish it. And the past few weeks are full of Korean things, be it movies or dramas. I just need a dose of the Korean touch every once in a while. And once i am done, they leave me so exhausted that i am left with little or no energy to do anything else. I just have to stay in my cocoon and rest in order to survive. And this is one such weeks where i happened to complete one on Wednesday or Thursday and then just slept for the next 3 days. I am just lucky that i had very little to do at office that demanded my full concentration.

It was this weekend that i am really back to movies. I have some on my laptop and a few gigs of them on my hard disk. I watched 2 movies on Saturday. One, a regional film which was a sweet and cute love story with lovely songs and picturesque locations. I watched it in theater and absolutely enjoyed it. Though there are a few points that made me think, the movie is made for entertainment and supposed to me a romantic comedy where you just need your heart to love and face to laugh.

But the next one is no where related to this one. This movie have been lying in my desktop for so long and i had to watch it today as i need to make space for new movies. It is a dance movie, “Take the lead” and i just loved the movie and everyone in the it. It was inspired from some real life events and story of the Pierre Dulaine. As i see it, it is about a honest attempt of a man to do his best for a change and better lives of those kids. His determination to stand up for what he believed for is amazing. Dance is his life and he believed that attitudes, careers and thereby lives can be changed by its means. Happy for them that it really worked since i knew nothing about dance other than watching all those dance movies and shows.

There were a few dialogues from the movie that really struck me and that made me write this post like, “Do you want to dance? If you do, then you can absolutely dance” and “The girl follows the man’s lead because she trusts him and that’s only because she is able to trust herself” and “the guy learns to touch a girl with respect and he definitely would want to live up to hold her trust” and some more.

They are actually gems to me that they left me thinking for a while and then i looked into myself. And looking back, i don’t think i would/could trust someone. I had/have troubles trusting people and may be it is because i don’t trust myself enough. And why is that i cannot trust myself and others. I have no answer to this question. I can think of many possible reasons but cannot fix on one that it could be the answer.

1. Is my childhood the reason, where i am an introvert and had no best friends confide?

2. Is it because of that person who abused me when i was in my preteens? 

3. Is it because of my introverted mother who resorted to the cane whenever she is exhausted, frustrated, tired or too busy to deal with us?

4. Is my inferiority complex the reason?

and the list goes on. I do not know the exact answer and there are chances that i may never know the answer. 

But i can try trusting myself a bit more every time i had self doubt or low self esteem and then a bit more again the next time. And i think i have very less confidence in what i do or write and it is the reason why i could not post much of what i write and could not complete what i started. I am going to change this. I would not care what others think about me and just write what comes to my mind. I know that i am not that good with English grammar and vocab, but i wouldn’t let that affect me anymore. I would just hit the post button no matter what my brain/heart says.

And slowly, i would try to improve my confidence levels and gain my trust one day. Think of it, i don’t want to be a loser all my life and will work hard not to be one. 🙂 Good luck to me.

If someone did read all of this long post and is now reading this, thank you for your patience and time. 🙂 Try to keep on following me.

Love 

Sahasra

 

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2 thoughts on “Trust issues and more

  1. Right I think the era when we were kids was like that cane did the trick and life was harder for parents and they were more frustrated..
    I think I was a naughty kid and got that cane a lot of times..
    As you say confidence will come.. slowly and yout English well its better than mine.. moreover it does not matter as long as people understand or at least try to understand what you writing MOST importantly if you are happy then others dont matter..
    Yes good luck to you.. all the best..
    My comment seems ti be longer he he he so happy reading…

  2. No hard feelings for my mum now(I will have to write a post to explain that) and i understand her POV.
    I only realized lately that perfection comes along and i just have to keep on writing. Thanks for the advice, it gives me a lot of confidence. 🙂
    Thanks for stopping by. It feels good to know that someone is actually reading you.

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