Some friendships are weird.
Today, I was surfing through net and happened to come across some pics an old friend shared.
Tell you the truth, she just looked wonderful. This girl, her sister and I were really close and they are a joint memory in my brain. I cannot see or think of them as different people.
Needless to say, the photos triggered a series of thoughts that travelled wild into my memories. We were summer friends. It wasn’t one or two summers. These two were the people I called my best friends throughout my childhood or so I thought. Being the shy introvert I am, I never really had any best friends in school. They are more than friends to me, family they are. My summer home was my grandpa’s house and so was their’s. Our grandparents were neighbours. And there’s no other place that I ever wanted to go. My reasons were grandparents and these 2 friends of mine. My sister being 5 years younger than me, was never a part of my scene. Every summer, it was the three of us together all the time. Despite our parents restrictions, we used to make long distance STD calls just to keep in touch during the school years. We always used to sense a kind of discomfort between our parents, but never let it affect our friendship. We were really close for the first 15 to 16 years of our lives.
Donno when college came and we just drifted apart. We had more friends, we became busy with our lives, with our studies and exams, we rarely visited our grandparents and when we did, it was never in sync.
By the time i came to the city and landed in a job, the elder one got married and shifted to US. The younger one and I were of the same age group and we talked every now and then, say once in every few months.
She is the city girl with her friends all around and I was this town girl who lived all her life over there and was totally new to the city and with almost no friend base. Frankly speaking, I was the one who always felt inferior. She was really caring and always ready to help. My introverted self just couldn’t be her usual self with her friend of 15 years.
There’s no contact at all with the elder one. We just talked twice in the last 4 years. I’m sure I could never hear that carefree happily giggling girl who shared almost every single secret with me. Our relation was limited to those cordial hello’s and Hi’s.
The faint thread of friendship is still there with the younger one, but just not sure how long it can be there anymore. I must say, she is a sweetheart and is always the first one to call me to check on me from time to time. We even met once in a while and I was just happy to talk to my oldest buddy.
And then, the fact that she forgot to mention anything about her marriage and I had to find that out through Facebook hurt me like anything. If you were Indian, you would definitely understand what it feels like, when a friend misses you out from their wedding invitees list.
It’s just too hard to take in. She called me later and invited me later and explained me on what went wrong, but I have already created a cyclone in my head. That was the first marriage that I have attended and couldn’t stay there for even a half hour. It was just hard to stay when almost everyone you know since childhood were there and yet you feel like a stranger. I just waited for a chance to wish the couple and ran away right after without even having food. I am so depressed that I could barely control my tears from ruining my mascara. She even called me twice after wedding when I just donno how or what to talk to her and was in her usual sweet self. But it was just me who feels like something changed and its going to be the same way forever. We are never going to be the same again and I finally was able to let go of those childhood memories and wishes that i always had within.
I know people change and that its for the best. But why do I take it really hard whenever there’s a change? Why do I find it so tough to accept it? Why do I have to think and think and over think myself to death for silly issues? Why do I have to be that way? Why do I have to be that emotional wreck?
Why cannot I just act or behave like normal people do? Why do I have to complicate everything in my mind?
I just donno why?
This is just my attempt to pen down my thoughts that just wouldn’t stop. I just wanted it out of my head..
Good night and take care guyyyz. 🙂
Some friendships are weird.