I am at office and i had loads to do. I just happened to complete one work and was about to jump to another when it hit me that i didn’t even check my mails today. So i set out checking my mail and then ended up reading a few blog posts when it came. This “It” is the strong urge to do masters. It came out of no where. I finished my Bachelors in 2010 and have been working since then. I always wanted to do Masters. I was never sure when and what. But this time i am even convinced that i shouldn’t wait for things to happen in my life and i have to make them happen.
I need to take charge of my life. No matter how interesting my work is and no matter how much there is still to learn, i am bored with the monotony of this life and i desperately want to change. I think this is why i was having strong feelings about leaving hostel and living alone and all. I have been at the same place since the last 4 years and was doing the same job with just changes in roles, designations and of course people. People came and left. But never did that push me this hard to make a move or at-least to really think about moving on to something else. Its not that i don’t have a plan. I do have a plan. I am a services consultant now and i am even studying for some certifications. I thought they will come in handy if i ever wanted to look for another job.
But this feeling to move on to do my Masters degree and do something different to what i have been doing, is really strong. I need to give some serious thought about it and decide something to put my mind at peace. The main reason why i choose to post all these conflicting thoughts and plans is to find some clarity when spread across or to at-least have a reminder of what i am going through in this moment.
Is this related to the feelings i had when i learnt that Deepu is leaving? Or is it something Amma said, that triggered all these thoughts? Or is it the pressure to get married and my parents worry that i am not getting married Or is it my inner voice telling me to run away before i put myself in the hands of marriage when i still am not sure if i really wanted to marry. I shouldn’t even bother writing about marriage. The topic never ends here. I will leave it to some other day for today is a different issue in priority.
I donno what i was thinking and what triggered what. But i wish i find some answers soon.