Self pity

I pity myself.
Out there at my cousin’s wedding, there is this superb pelli vindu(wedding feast) going on and here I am eating perugannam(curd rice) with lemon pickle.
Now tell me curd rice compared to a feast. No wonder I am drowned in self pity!. What? You thought I had somrthing more serious to tell? No re. It is the pain talking. So here’s the thing.
I was supposed to be at the wedding. 2 days back I shopped for 3 hours to buy a perfect dress for the occasion. Yesterday, I was breathing down the tailor’s neck to complete the last minute alterations. And today, I was down sick eating curd rice and on pain meds that are making me go crazy. My whole family was there and I am here sulking. Somewhere deep within, I dread the thought of having to face her later!
No, there’s no one to blame but me. I caused this. I let this happen. I lost track of my health. I ignored it badly and had to see this day.
This is the real punishment I’m getting for not taking proper care of my body. I, a person who dreads being at weddings, was so ready to be a part of this one and see what’s happening. If I still won’t wake up and take my life seriously, and not stop neglecting my body, then I guess nothing or no one can help me.
Aah, I feel so miserable and stupid.
I can’t write anymore. I want to remember how i felt today and hence the post as a reminder. I guess I’m done. Now I’m going back to my curd rice.

And since I’m pretty sure I may not be in the right mind to post tomorrow, I am making this a scheduled post. So, you will be reading yesterday’s rant and I think I will be all okay by then. So, no worries and take care people.

Love
Sahasra

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