Choice

Grey’s Anatomy 11×08 Last Scene Derek & Meredith: http://youtu.be/4Qb57l7A_CM

Life is always a choice. Every single thing that happens in our life is a result of some choice we make.
The statement here is, “he is very dreamy, But remember, he’s not the sun, you are.”
To me, i know who my mcdreamy is and that isn’t everything. Once, I choose not to get taken over by that Mcdreamy and moved on in life. I just don’t know how I placed myself in a bigger mess again. To me, my life is everything. I realised today that I can never accept anyone or anything unless I really think I am ready. I am going to stand up against the whole world but I will never do something I regret again just because I have some sense of responsibility or whatever. I am so not going to care. I have done enough and no more will this go on. I am so not going to care about people who had no care or concern towards me or my feelings. People think they are doing me favours by trying to find a groom for me. But what they don’t get is that they are just ruining my life by trying to fix a problem that doesn’t exist. And I hate them for doing that.
I cannot change these people or society but I can change or at least take control of my life. I cannot let someone else take the decisions of my life. The decisions of my life has to be my choices and they will be. The decision I took today is the first step towards a life filled with my choices.
And there is something funny about the decision I made today. Wanna know? Read further.
Everyone likes the guy but I don’t.
My reasons are that I didn’t find him attractive at all. He just didn’t think it is important for us to talk before deciding. He didn’t even think if I would want to talk to him or not? And later, after a lot of pressure from the family, he agrees to talk. But what happens for real is, He just couldn’t talk at all. I had to ask him everything. It was as if I’m interviewing him. I didn’t want to take any chances. I couldn’t even feel a thing for him. And so I say not to go further. I didn’t want them to have any hopes. So I clearly said no.
You know what the reaction was? 🙂
It seemed as if the girl loves someone else. She just doesn’t look interested.
I felt disgusted. I allowed you all to do this to me. I am not even sure if can survive an arranged marriage. Why the hell did I set myself up for this. I am an idiot for doing that. I wish I wasn’t the coward that I am. I wish I wasn’t the hypocrite that I am. I wish I live in a place where I get to make the choices of my life and don’t have to fight for that.
For now, I just am glad that I am going to try to be that person I want to be and that I didn’t choose to follow the easy path but choose the tough one. The less travelled one. 🙂
Bye for now.

Love
Sahasra

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