In search of the real me..

Sometimes I feel as if someone else is living my life and I’m watching all of this happen from a distance. Strange but I don’t feel like it is me. It feels like some stranger is living my life as it is in some movie.

  • The me I always knew, wasn’t this talkative and hyperactive.
  • The one I knew always read books that she bought and bought more only to read but not to store.
  • The one I knew loved watching movies on the big screen and forgot the whole world for those 3 hours.
  • This girl never liked shopping and never even thought about window shopping.
  • Was the one who saved more that she ever spent.
  • Never cared about how she looked or how the world looked at her.
  • Loved to fill all of her notebooks and dairies and scribbled every now and then.
  • Never had control over watching movies and TV shows, especially Korean.
  • Never gave up her sleep for anything in the world.
  • No matter what the problem is, I always had the courage to face it and lived with content even if I failed miserably.
  • To her, happiness meant a lot than goals, objectives, pride, ego and people.
  • This girl did wonders at work and managed to get everything done and was happy too.

I can just go on like this forever but the truth is I miss that girl too much or should I say that I no more like the girl that I’ve become. With age and time, people mature. But it looks as if I’m moving backwards. I don’t say that every single change that I listed is a bad one but some really are and they make me feel really bad. I get so irritated at the way I do certain things and start wondering what happened to me. It looks like though I don’t expect a lot from others, I expect a lot from me and you know, expectations of any kind hurt.

July is always a special month to me. I generally don’t make a big deal out of my birthday, but that’s one of the reasons why I love July. The second half of the year starts today and may be, this can be a new start to me. I want to do things that I love and take one step towards being the person that I want to be. I am going to post for every single day of the month starting today. Yes, a personal July blogathon is what I’m going to call this.

These days, I’m too tired and sleep is on my eyes ready to occupy my body but my mind doesn’t want to rest. I keep on browsing mindlessly the whole night and then go to bed at sometime around 2 or 3 am and wake up late and cranky. It affects my work, body, health, relations with people, and most importantly, my happiness. I want to change this thing that is the start to a vicious cycle. I want to sleep early and get a minimum of 7-8 hour sleep time to wake up fresh for the day.

Wish me luck and Happy July people. 🙂

Love
Sahasra

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