I know for a fact that some weird emptiness resides in me. Nothing ever is enough to this soul. Looks like it is made of some devil, that just knows to take in but never gives out any. Like that abyss or those treacherous valleys. It is as if I am filled with sadness and nothing helps me forget and tears are always on the brink ever ready to flow.
There was a time when a book or a blog or a movie or a show made me forget all the sorrows of the world. Maybe, those sorrows aren’t big enough for this heart to not forget. Why does it feel like I’m losing everything and there is nothing I can do to make myself feel better.
My pancakes taste bitter and cool drink tasteless. Maybe, I’ve been using stale products and drinking expired drinks. Is it the same situation with my life? Sometimes, I start wishing for the worst to happen. No, not to anybody but me. I wish something terrible happens and everything comes to a halt. I wish for such miracle for I don’t think I have the will to follow my heart. Every moment I spend with my parents make me go weak and I clearly know by now that coming to them for the weekend was a grave mistake.
If not everyone, someone will notice that I’m being fake. The problem is some might think that I’m faking this sadness and some might think that I’m faking the happiness. I was always told that my face reflects my heart. Will those cameras flashing at those venues capture the pain of my heart? I’m desperately trying to distract myself from doing something crazy or going crazy. I’m failing miserably while tears are rolling out like anything. I don’t know where to go and what to do to end this all.
And my dear guardian angel, if at all you really exist, I guess this would be a good time to come save me. huh, don’t you think so? 🙂