If I’m not clear earlier, I got engaged last Wednesday and I’m going to get married on this 25th. Not sure how to put it but I feel like my free days are over and I’m going to be bound by responsibilities and burdens of life. My happy life is over before I even knew it existed.
You may ask, if I’m this much scared of losing my current life, then why did I agree.
By now, I’ve ranted enough about Indian parents and their expectations. It’s a never ending story and most of us commoners give in after a few years of fight which is physically and emotionally very tiring. I’m not sure if I’m marriage material or not. I’m not sure if I can survive an Arranged Marriage. But whatever comes in my way, I want to take as much as I can and learn to leave the rest. I’m gonna learn to trust myself and move ahead in life and wanna see where life takes me. It isn’t as easy as I speak. It’s been really difficult to convince myself that I’m doing the right thing. At times, I still find myself totally lost realising the depth of the decision I had taken.
I wasn’t someone who never believed in marriage. I have great respect and belief for that institution. I just couldn’t agree with the fact that I’m settling for an Arranged Marriage. I never exactly knew what it feels like to love someone who’s not your blood or friend or relative. I really have no idea of the kind of love this world goes crazy about.
Sometimes I think that maybe there isn’t any definition to love. Everybody gives their own definition to it and I just am not convinced of any worthy definition that I can apply to love and hence I couldn’t find it yet.
And I wonder, what if marriage doesn’t give me that definition to love. Will I then be able to respect that marriage? Will I move out of it leaving another clueless person to his own sorrow? Or will I fear the consequences and stay in the marriage. Will I have the courage to live a happy life? Will I try living for myself as I always wanted to? I have many more questions that I have no answers at this moment. Only time has to tell and life moves on with the choices I make. So, whatever the circumstances are, I made a decision and I’m on the path already.
So guys, thank you for being so patient with all my rants till date. And I wish my steps lead me to the right path and to the right destination.
Someone wonderful said this once, “life is a journey where contentment is the destination.”
I hope I reach my destination.