Sudden feelings

It has been a really rough night. Have been bleeding heavily having to change every couple of hours with thoughts interrupting the sleep in between. And the back pain gradually grew up to be unbearable at some point. It left me wondering for a while if i would be able to get to office tomorrow? Or what would happen if i faint on the road or at the office. I would be too heavy for anyone to help! And that i need to set my emergency contacts and set someone on speed dial. But whom do i set? My parents? They are too far away. They will have to travel overnight to get to me. My husband? My friends? No clue.

I somehow managed to get up and finished the first shift and cooked breakfast and lunch. He left early without packing lunch. Had i known that, i wouldn’t have bothered to cook at all. I’m too tired to even fight about it. And then i wanted to lie down for a few minutes and was browsing on my phone and was watching Stephen Colbert and then tears started rolling as i see his interview along with his wife.

It comes back again, the sadness. It just doesn’t want to leave me. I feel like banging my head over the wall or break something with my bare hands. I don’t know what to do. My body is aching at every possible place and I’m dead tired to even type anymore as my hands hurt. Talked to the parents this morning but cannot tell thrm any of this as they’ll panic.

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