A mess it is..

2017 is a weird year just like my weird life.

It gave me some of the best moments in my life and some of the worst ones too. While I love to think about the happy memories and cannot wait to relive them again, the sadness intertwined in all those scares me.ย But if there is one thing this year gave me, that might stay with me for a long time is that it made me fearless and confident about my capabilities. It is not that I am super confident now or anything but it is just that I’m a lot more confident about living my life in a way i want to. I now know that fighting for myself is always worth the pain. I now know that looking after yourself and loving yourself isn’t selfish. It is self preservation and realising ones self-worth.

One good thing came out of 2017. I finally took the first step towards liberation, towards a better me, towards my divorce. In 6 months, I’m going to get one. I don’t plan on living here in India for more than an year. I need to make a plan, act on it and leave this place to live my dreams.

Every year i make new year resolutions. I doubt i don’t even remember half of them by the end of January. They get lost in the rat race called life and I just end up surviving the year with no proud memories. This time it seems as if my new year started off a bit early in terms of resolutions. I already made a resolution the day I signed my divorce papers.

That I would give myself 6 months to figure out what to do with myself and to leave this job that i hate so much on the 30th of June 2018. So, I guess I’m still on that path. I was swamped with dealing with a vengeful soon to be ex and taking care of a sick parent which made me go emotionally and physically derailed. But that doesn’t mean I quit.

The fight is still on and i’m still standing. There is this one thing that I’m going to have to remind myself everyday for these 6 months. That i need to be happy in whatever I do and smile no matter how hard it feels or how lonely it gets or how scary it ends.

So here I am, smiling and still living ๐Ÿ™‚

Happy New Year everyone. I wish this new year brings you all hope, love and joy along with the strength to face all the crap this world throws at us. Take Care.


30 days challenge

I have been following quite a few self motivating things on pinterest lately. One if those advices from life hacks was to start doing something today and continue it for 30 days. They say that it becomes a habit. Well, I want to test that again. Again because, i know of a 30 day challenge that leaves you exhausted and tiring that you will definitely want to stop doing that on the 31st day. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m talking about the January blogathon many of us do. Even though it was wonderful to write every single day, i cannot do that continously.
But now, i want to test that theory on a few habits. Yes, this time it is about food, todo lists, and sleeping early.
Due to budget issues, I already had to cut down eating or ordering out. So, the new food habit i wanna try this time is to eat only healthy snacks and use less oils and fattening foods in my cooking. Today, i followed it by replacing my unhealthy midnight snacks with 3 handfuls of pomegranate seeds.
Feeling pretty good about it but thinking of sleeping early tomorrow so that i don’t have midnight cravings at all. That covers my sleeping early habit. The actual resolution is to wake up early which would be impossible for me to do if i cannot sleep early. Today, it is already 3 in the morning and I’m still awake. But tomorrow i plan to sleep by 11pm. I need a miracle for this to happen. ๐Ÿ˜‡ That’s a very difficult thing to do, but let’s try!
The other habit is to make lists everyday and try complete them beforw i go to bed. I wanted to make it a habit because i make lists on all the good days and never bother to do so on a bad day. I wanted to change this habit as i tend to be pretty successful with lists on. I’m this scatter brained and forgetful that lists always come to my rescue. So, starting now, I’m gonna make lists everyday for the next 30 days for anything that’s even remotely important.
Sorry for boring you guys with these silly things. But i got no other option. This blog is my safest yet strictest journal buddy and I’m answerable to it. So, let’s see of i succeed the challenge or fail miserably. It was 12th June and i will have to follow these 3 rules for the next 30 days. I.e. till 12th of July.