This n that

Well, I wanted to keep posting updates regularly so that i stay on course with my list. Though not exactly, but to the maximum possible extent.

The weekend was another waste except for lots of cooking, binge watching and reading. One good thing is that my erratic sleeping hours are a bit under control. I have made​ new rules about food and sleep cycles.

  1. No food after 10pm. If at all I’m too hungry or craving for something, then i can have a fruit or a few grapes.
  2. No coke or caffeine after work hours. Try to limit myself to one coffee a day.
  3. Get back to drinking green tea and atleast one bottle of water per day.
  4. Little or no rice in main courses while adding more veggies and protein. Add soups to dinner menus.
  5. Make mental notes of sugar and salt intake. Regulate and control it.
  6. Finish food in fridge before cooking anything else.
  7. Finish groceries at hand before buying anymore.
  8. Minimal usage of Carol’s resources.
  9. Sleep early and wake up early. I know, this is the toughest of all!
  10. Make proper use of lunch break at office. Maybe, walk for 20 minutes everyday! Do something other than work.

Well, i know I’m making too many lists. But to me, making lists is the most effective way to get back on track. I’m tuned that way. I think most of the tasks on my list are actionable and pretty much reasonable. Let’s see how it goes. It will be good if i atleast suceed doing half of the list. As Don Tillman would say, it is like a Gordian knot where one of these might help me get everything done.

Talking of Don Tillman, i have started reading “The Rosie Effect” by Graeme Simson. The 2nd one in the series after “The Rosie Project” which was one wonderful book. 50 pages into it, i now think i need to revisit Rosie Project again! There seem to be lapses in memory. πŸ˜‹ Memory loss at 27(28 in a month!). Anyways, totally loving Rosie Effect but thinking of keeping it on hold and reading Rosie Project again. I’m not exactly sure where to buy the book but need to search for it. For the love of Don and Rosie, I need to reread it.

Good night ppl. Signing off for the day, Shabba Kher.

Some promises to myself

  • Sleep on time.
  • Eat on time.
  • No matter what, tell yourself “I Love You” at the start and end of the day, everyday.
  • Make 2 lists everyday. One for work and other for life. Make them happen without killing yourself.
  • Watch a movie once a week and more than one if possible.
  • Whenever you think of suicide, think of maa, paa and chinnu. And about the wonderful life you could have lived if you have just learnt to live through.
  • Try to do some form of exercise everyday.
  • Do not sleep during the day. i.e. weekends. Visit atleast one new place every week.
  • Watch all those pending series.. only on weekdays huh!
  • Completely read one book every week and write a review on every Saturday.
  • You have a wonderful phone. Take advantage of it and make sure you click 2 pictures every day. One of yours and the other of Melbourne.
  • Fall in love with yourself and Melbourne again.
  • If shopping makes you feel better, do.  Splurging on yourself is so worth it.
  • Do atleast one online course a month. Doesn’t matter how small or big it is, just decide and do.
  • Start preparing your resume.
  • Update the LinkedIn profile.
  • Sit with Dad and do taxes. Learn about your financial worth.
  • Learn the art of investing.
  • Make bucket lists for life, for Melbourne, for everything that you can think of.
  • Accept your mistakes and learn to move forward.
  • Listen, no matter what, you are always worth someone’s time and love. And ofcourse, you are capable of loving someone.
  • It is okay to be selfish.
  • Understand that you can write the best story of your life only by living it wholeheartedly enjoying every moment of it.
  • Keep looking at this list as a reminder and work on it. Keep updating it whenever required.
  • Your goal in life is to be happy not just to be someone’s daughter or sister or wife or anything. 
  • It is okay to be different and thinking like this is NOT A MISTAKE.

Meri Pyaari Bindu

If you are not a fan of Ayushmann Khurana, then be one. Well, Parineeti Chopra is no less but you know, I’m into men. So, Ayushmann it is.

How can a guy be that beautiful? I know it is ‘Handsome’ for men, but one look at him, his perfectly shaped eyebrows, those wonderful eyes and that sad yet soulful smile, makes me say beautiful and wow. More than that, how can he do that magic in every single movie? He is absolutely adorable and yummilicious. I need not say a word about his acting abilities. If not for the fact that he is happily married, i would’ve just believed that Abhi and Bindu are for real. He is that amazing and convincing. 

The movie may be titled after the herione but Ayushmann is the one who captured my heart. This I don’t think is any coincidence. Can i relate to the story? A big YES. If only i was happy in my marriage and had a kid and found out what i can be really good at, the story would’ve been mine. But it isn’t and still, i loved the guy because it remembered me of that guy who was my bestfriend and who loved me like crazy. If it wasn’t something that i have seen and lived, i would’ve probably laughed it off calling it a fictional sob story. But no, things like that happen and people like me break hearts just because we don’t know what we are doing. Just because we aren’t sure if it is right or wrong, we give up. We are confused and most often, are tortured souls who not only torture ourself but also end up doing the same to everyone around us. You see what I’m doing? I end up telling about myself eventually. This is why i call myself a narcissist. By the way, apart from the fact that Parineeti(Bindu) has a picture perfect body, i really think we have real similarities in being confused and breaking hearts. I’m not the wild child but i sure am the confused one. One thing’s for sure that we will always have those memories of our first love in our heart forever no matter how it ends. So, that is what this movie reminds me of.

Anyways, if you have the time, please do go and watch the movie. It is so worth it. I can really say, if you ever had a love story that didn’t work out, you’ll definitely find yourself somewhere in their journey. And if yours is one of those happily​ every after stories, you’ll definitely thank your partner for the clarity they had on life.πŸ˜†πŸ˜‹ 

I NEVER cry at the movies and there i am literally sobbing by the end of the movie. You know, to me, it was a wonderful experience watching it.

Have a great Sunday everyone.

Love, Sahasra.

When heart breaks

How does that sound? How does it feel to be heart broken? Will you ever be able to recuperate from it fully? Is gathering those pieces easy or is it totally impossible?

Like scars of battle, maybe it scars your heart forever and even long after you’ve moved on, it aches when that memory strikes.

What was I thinking? That you will never move on! I clearly know that this is bound to happen. With the kind of family you had, I thought it would happen long ago. But no, you had to wait all these years only to make me feel sorry for the decisions i made and regret my choices.

I know, they are my decisions and my choices. I most likely scarred a second life. I am unworthy of the word called love and kindness. The moment i think that i have seen the depths of my selfishness and there’s no more left, I do something and i myself end up getting surprised of how many more tunnels i have into my selfish pit.

The only solace is that you’re moving on and being the kind of person that you are, I’m sure you will be happy. Thank God you aren’t stuck with a person like me. But deep within my heart,  I always knew that the day you move on is going to be the saddest day of my life and it is. 

With all my heart, I only wish the best f0r you and i hope you find peace and love in the life you’re heading towards.πŸ˜‡ 

Love

Smoking

Do you smoke? Even for fun, have you ever smoked?

To me smoking and smokers are the only things that put me off instantly. I have a very strong sense of smell and the minute a smoker comes into my zone, I start getting irritated. I make faces and then straightaway ask them in face of they smoke. Usually I am a very humble and thoughtful person who is considerate of others feelings. But this one thing makes me forego all my manners and shows the rude and bitchy side of me even to complete strangers.

The other day it was a colleague who had to face my wrath. I now seriously wonder if he thinks I’m the crazy girl who cannot mind her business. He is a nice guy but somehow rubs off everyone the wrong way and people are a little bit harsh to him and are very quick to judge him. Though i defend him when others start bashing about him, i think i let all those words get the best of me and judged him too harshly in the first instance.

He said he started smoking as a way to show solidarity with a friend who was depressed and lost someone recently. Now he smokes 5 cigarettes per day and he thinks it is okay. Ever since i lashed at him, i keep wondering if it was his foolish love for smoking that annoys me or people’s words that entered my brain and made me act so childish.

Either way it is smoke from cigarette or from people’s nasty thoughts that clouded my judgement that I now regret. I should’ve known better. Today I make a promise that no matter what others say, i will never let their shady words cloud my judgement or my actions and I promise to be kind to myself and to others as well no matter what their habits are.

Anyways, take care guys.

Love, Sahasra

Open

It is an amazing thing how human body works. It is built to sustain adverse conditions, recovers and heals itself from injuries, finds ways to protect itself from the defects we are born with. Not even at the entire body level, each and every cell and nerve of our body acts this way. They protect themselves from anything different anything exterior and anything out of the ordinary. I recently managed to cut myself and having no experience in deep cutswas almost clueless at the almost 2 inch cut right below my thumb and it bled as if it would never stop. It took almost 2 weeks to completely heal and almost convinced me to think that i lost my finger to an infected injury which now seems so silly looking at the way the skin around the injury nicely patched the injury and covered it up.

I was actually reading this book “Open”, the autobiography of the Tennis Star Andre Agassi. I’m just a few pages into it and he’s making me think. I consider such books as the good ones as anything that makes me pause, think, and act.

It is surprising to know that he hated Tennis from a young age Nd he had physical conditions that never allowed him to walk normally and all his life, he not only fought his opponents but also his mind, body and heart. Such a conflict his life is. I didn’t complete the book yet. It is going to take me a while considering the hectic schedule I’m living and I hope i can complete it and do a review too.

By the way, do you know what to do when you had a deep cut on your hands or anywhere with a kitchen knife? I read so much about it in the past few weeks that you can consider me an expert. I give all the credit to my super sharp and expensive kitchen knife for the injury and google for the recovery. Read it up once if you got time. It is better to do that before cutting ourself rather than after! Anyways, i now know the guilt free way to quit cooking for a week. πŸ˜ƒ

Take care ppl. Happy cooking during the festival season.

Love, Sahasra

Someplace new

2017 – Melbourne

2016 – Kerala

2015 – London

2013 – More of Johannesburg

2011 – Johannesburg

I am gonna make this a list and update it with every new place I go be it abroad or in the country, a new place is a new place with new memories and experiences. I hope this list grows long and long and long. πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜‡

Love, Sahasra