Some promises to myself

  • Sleep on time.
  • Eat on time.
  • No matter what, tell yourself “I Love You” at the start and end of the day, everyday.
  • Make 2 lists everyday. One for work and other for life. Make them happen without killing yourself.
  • Watch a movie once a week and more than one if possible.
  • Whenever you think of suicide, think of maa, paa and chinnu. And about the wonderful life you could have lived if you have just learnt to live through.
  • Try to do some form of exercise everyday.
  • Do not sleep during the day. i.e. weekends. Visit atleast one new place every week.
  • Watch all those pending series.. only on weekdays huh!
  • Completely read one book every week and write a review on every Saturday.
  • You have a wonderful phone. Take advantage of it and make sure you click 2 pictures every day. One of yours and the other of Melbourne.
  • Fall in love with yourself and Melbourne again.
  • If shopping makes you feel better, do.  Splurging on yourself is so worth it.
  • Do atleast one online course a month. Doesn’t matter how small or big it is, just decide and do.
  • Start preparing your resume.
  • Update the LinkedIn profile.
  • Sit with Dad and do taxes. Learn about your financial worth.
  • Learn the art of investing.
  • Make bucket lists for life, for Melbourne, for everything that you can think of.
  • Accept your mistakes and learn to move forward.
  • Listen, no matter what, you are always worth someone’s time and love. And ofcourse, you are capable of loving someone.
  • It is okay to be selfish.
  • Understand that you can write the best story of your life only by living it wholeheartedly enjoying every moment of it.
  • Keep looking at this list as a reminder and work on it. Keep updating it whenever required.
  • Your goal in life is to be happy not just to be someone’s daughter or sister or wife or anything. 
  • It is okay to be different and thinking like this is NOT A MISTAKE.

Meri Pyaari Bindu

If you are not a fan of Ayushmann Khurana, then be one. Well, Parineeti Chopra is no less but you know, I’m into men. So, Ayushmann it is.

How can a guy be that beautiful? I know it is ‘Handsome’ for men, but one look at him, his perfectly shaped eyebrows, those wonderful eyes and that sad yet soulful smile, makes me say beautiful and wow. More than that, how can he do that magic in every single movie? He is absolutely adorable and yummilicious. I need not say a word about his acting abilities. If not for the fact that he is happily married, i would’ve just believed that Abhi and Bindu are for real. He is that amazing and convincing. 

The movie may be titled after the herione but Ayushmann is the one who captured my heart. This I don’t think is any coincidence. Can i relate to the story? A big YES. If only i was happy in my marriage and had a kid and found out what i can be really good at, the story would’ve been mine. But it isn’t and still, i loved the guy because it remembered me of that guy who was my bestfriend and who loved me like crazy. If it wasn’t something that i have seen and lived, i would’ve probably laughed it off calling it a fictional sob story. But no, things like that happen and people like me break hearts just because we don’t know what we are doing. Just because we aren’t sure if it is right or wrong, we give up. We are confused and most often, are tortured souls who not only torture ourself but also end up doing the same to everyone around us. You see what I’m doing? I end up telling about myself eventually. This is why i call myself a narcissist. By the way, apart from the fact that Parineeti(Bindu) has a picture perfect body, i really think we have real similarities in being confused and breaking hearts. I’m not the wild child but i sure am the confused one. One thing’s for sure that we will always have those memories of our first love in our heart forever no matter how it ends. So, that is what this movie reminds me of.

Anyways, if you have the time, please do go and watch the movie. It is so worth it. I can really say, if you ever had a love story that didn’t work out, you’ll definitely find yourself somewhere in their journey. And if yours is one of those happily​ every after stories, you’ll definitely thank your partner for the clarity they had on life.πŸ˜†πŸ˜‹ 

I NEVER cry at the movies and there i am literally sobbing by the end of the movie. You know, to me, it was a wonderful experience watching it.

Have a great Sunday everyone.

Love, Sahasra.

When heart breaks

How does that sound? How does it feel to be heart broken? Will you ever be able to recuperate from it fully? Is gathering those pieces easy or is it totally impossible?

Like scars of battle, maybe it scars your heart forever and even long after you’ve moved on, it aches when that memory strikes.

What was I thinking? That you will never move on! I clearly know that this is bound to happen. With the kind of family you had, I thought it would happen long ago. But no, you had to wait all these years only to make me feel sorry for the decisions i made and regret my choices.

I know, they are my decisions and my choices. I most likely scarred a second life. I am unworthy of the word called love and kindness. The moment i think that i have seen the depths of my selfishness and there’s no more left, I do something and i myself end up getting surprised of how many more tunnels i have into my selfish pit.

The only solace is that you’re moving on and being the kind of person that you are, I’m sure you will be happy. Thank God you aren’t stuck with a person like me. But deep within my heart,  I always knew that the day you move on is going to be the saddest day of my life and it is. 

With all my heart, I only wish the best f0r you and i hope you find peace and love in the life you’re heading towards.πŸ˜‡ 

Love

The Kheer Story

I was reading Vidya’s blog the other day where she posted this yummy Walnut Kheer. No, I didn’t prepare it. But the post took me to another kheer recipe of hers. Plain Rice kheer which is her mother’s recipe. The love I have for Rice kheer made me want to prepare it. And the date she posted that kheer returned me to memories of my first international trip.

My job took me to Johannesburg and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life which left me with memories for life. In the middle of July came my birthday on the 16th and I was missing my Mum so badly and set out to make kheer in that South African guest house with nothing but the basics. Remember this was back in 2011 and I was no expert in cooking(not that I’m an expert now!) and succeeded in partly burning the milk and it seemed as if the rice was taking forever to cook and I gave up immediately ending in tears. It wasn’t just the Kheer, 2 months away from home, pressure at work, and a silly fight with my roomies who are also my colleagues all added up to my emotions and flowed into tears.

It was then K, one of my colleagues who took charge and fixed that kheer and made it edible. And another colleague AJ got the cake and they were singing the song. I had a silly fight with them on the very same day, we are all super tired and weren’t on the best of terms. And yet they wanted to see a smile on my face and make me happy. 

Their effort brought a smile on my face and more tears. But this time they were more of gratitude and happiness. It was one of my very first experiences on the kindness of strangers and I am left with a memory for life and indebted forever. Those were the simplest of gestures and yet their timing reserved them a special place in my heart. Only with Gratitude, Love and Respect that I can repay them.

Thank you for those wonderful memories guys and thank you vidya from bringing those back to me now. I did make the kheer 2 days back and though not perfect, it was way better than my earlier attemps and i ate it for lunch and dinner too.😊. I was busy with a friend’s birthday party yesterday and couldn’t properly complete this post and so here I am completing it.

Life sure isn’t easy but some people just make your day with almost nothing but love and kindness. Thanks to such wonderful people.❀😊

Love, Sahasra

My dear little sisterπŸ˜‡πŸ‘­πŸ’ž

You ask me why i spend so much on you when my finances are so tight.

How do i explain you my heart. Spending money on you and on our parents is the only guilt free way for me to shop. I cannot explain you the immense satisfaction i derive from that. While me being able to give back to maa & paa gives me a wonderful kick, being able to do something for you makes me feel like I’ve done something in life. Like, i have achieved something. 

Or maybe it was just me. Growing up, you know how much i wished i had some elder brother or sister who took care of me and did things for me. I know how you tried to make up for that gap and how much you adore and love me.You are the onlt one in my life that i can show my weaknesses to. You know how vulnerable i am and how easy it is to break me. You know that behind this big body and who cares attitude, there is this fragile girl who breaks down to pieces so easily. You help me deal with the mess i am and more than that, you love me unconditionally and are my best friend i never had.You understand me down to the core and stood by me no matter what. I know we have our own meltdowns and crazy fights, but that was us being us. I’m happy we are normal that way.

And to such you, doing these little silly things is nothing but pleasure and pure joy to me. To see you grow up into this strong, amazing woman is as is wonderful. And to be able to add up some value to that process will be my biggest achievement. 

For giving me that pleasure and for being the person you are, i owe you a big thank you. I’m sure one day you’ll get this letter and i hope you keep loving me then as much as you do now.

Love, Sahasra πŸ’ž 

Physical & Emotional bonds

How on earth do you develop an emotional and physical bond with a man who is your husband but not yet the love of your life? I know it sounds crazy.
Physical bond is still an easy thing. All you need is some comfort zone and lust. But what about emotional bonds. How do you create those. I know, many disagree. But to me, physical relationship doesn’t have much importance when compared to the emotional one.
Don’t mistake me for a saint, for I’m definitely not one. I enjoy sex as much as every other person on this planet does. But to me, it wasn’t any life and death issue. Or maybe until i properly love someone, it isn’t. But then, how do you love someone when you haven’t fallen in love with but have already married him!
I know, it was written, “Biggest Loser” on my forehead. In my society, people who think like this marry only when they fall in love and people who don’t think like this, marry someone and maybe love them later. My problem is that i belong to that rare breed who question the system after diving neck deep into it.
I know I’m lost case and no one can help me. Hopeless!
By the way, i have regretted posting about me watching Splitsvilla as if it is porn. Do you guys ever reveal such stupid things you do? And once you do, would you regret doing so? I mean revealing, not doing, silly!. Arre, i know we are all allowed to ve stupid at times, atleast in private. πŸ˜‰. I was thinking about all sorts of things and ended with writing this rant because i couldn’t sleep and it’s 2:30 in the morning. You can now guess how well my goal to make a habit of sleeping early is being acheived. Yepp, I’m sleeping very early in the morning! 😑. I know, hopeless! 😊

Chalo, seeya.

Love, Sahasra πŸ’ž