Curator Series #5: (Not a) Superwoman

Behind a Superwoman

A friend asked me this morning, on what was the problem I had with my husband. His intention was to really understand what my issue was and how it got that bad. Please don’t mistake him for the prying neighbourly aunty. He is someone who accepted me for what I am and gave me the benefit of doubt in every situation even though he disagreed with some of my views. He’s been my rock solid support system who accepted my friendship with my flaws.

For someone like him, I was and will always be ready to explain. He knew that I am in a safe place now and can answer questions like these and hence the question. Since he knows most of the inbetween and after story content, I explained him in simple words when an article in my notes popped up with the super woman topic. He is in the middle of the arranged marriage process and wanted to know how he can try to not repeat my mistake. So, this was my answer to him. Earlier this morning when we spoke, I couldn’t put my thoughts together to explain him clearly, but when I came across this article while going through my posts, I thought this would help me to tell my point in a better and easy way.

So, here it is. The story of a superwoman and who’s behind her. Please note that this article is from womens web by Tanvi Sinha.

https://www.womensweb.in/2017/05/behind-every-superwoman-inconsiderate-man/

And this is my conclusion to my rant.

Most men and women around me are that way(Super woman and Bittu Bhaiyya) and that is why many don’t think it is a problem. But to me it is. That is how I was different or in popular terms, the odd or weird one.

It took me a while and many a depressed bouts to realise that being different from others or expecting different things from others isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I still deserve my happiness and that I’m not a bad or terrible person to choose my happiness.

Anyone who’s following might be wondering why I’m writing all these posts now. It’s just me venting out whatever bitterness is left in me and in process paving way to a new life. I’m breathing, getting better and finding myself again. This s an attempt at decluttering my brain and collections as well. Well anyways, my blog has always been about me. I’m a narc that way.

So, here’s my curator series post of the day. Thank you for reading πŸ˜ŠπŸ€—.

Curator Series #4 : Shoes and shoe sizes

It seemed like a challenge to just talk about shoe sizes, so i included shoes as well. The reason my shoe sizes are my oldest notes is that, my memory is very short lived when it comes to really useful things like this! πŸ™„πŸ˜.

Shoe size is the 2nd most complicated thing in the world of sizes to me. The first one being my body size, needs no further explanation. Well, my feet are a weird breed. While I was either normal or huge in terms of my body size, my feet are the only constant in the varying and ever evolving world of sizes.

I have small feet. People often get surprised to see how small my feet look. There are countless times when many a shoe salesmen suggested me the wrong shoe size basing their judgement on my body size. I would be saying in my polite but sarcastic tone with a “no, please show me a size or two smaller than that” mode. And as if my feet aren’t weird enough, they are an inbetween size. There is never a proper fit. Everything is either a bit tight or a bit loose. I’m not even rich to have my own custom made shoes. Added advantage is my huge body that doesn’t work in sync with many beautiful shoes this world offers. What can a girl do but adjust and adapt (huge sigh!) πŸ˜‰. I just keep wondering what others in similar situations do πŸ€”. Like everybody, I too have my share of good-bad experiences with shoes but the weirdest of them all is buying shoes online and getting a pair with each shoe in a different size. I realised the discomfort early on only to realise the reason a year later πŸ™‰. What more can I say?

Well, that is the weird me. Every year, i promise myself a new pair of walking shoes and a fitness tracker if I go on a morning walk straight for 30 days, but never made it to 30, leaving my dream for a new pair of shoes and a fitness tracker hanging. I can afford it and I also used to go crazy over shoes and sandals. But ever since I focused on saving money, that part of me just disappeared. And the amount of money I was able to save by cutting down my shopping sprees was worth all the itch and temptation control. To top it off, i made motivation my key aim to buy things. I bribe myself of stuff to do things I otherwise would never do out of my laziness.

Well that’s my shoe story in culmination with everything that’s relevant and irrelevant πŸ˜ŒπŸ˜›. Have a nice day folks.

Curator series #3 – Peanut chutney

Verusenaga pachadi recipe

Pan fry green chillies – 5 to 6 and then fry a quarter cup of groundnuts in the same pan.
They can be fried together as well but make sure they do not get burnt.

Once fried enough, take them off the stove and let the contents cool.

Once cooled off, transfer the contents to a mixer jar and add 1 garlic clove, some dried coconut, a very small piece of tamarind, salt, jeelakarra(cumin) and grind them all into a thick paste.

This mixture can be stored in refrigerator and can be stored for 3 to 4 days.

Add water to the paste to get required consistency before serving.

Tempering is optional and not mandatory.

πŸ˜†πŸ˜€πŸ˜πŸ˜‚

Well, that’s me laughing. Never even in my dreams have I ever thought that I would be posting a recipe on my blog. That’s not because it is wrong but because of how great I am at cooking πŸ˜‹. I’m not a chef or even home cook. I’m just a cooking enthusiastic. I don’t even know if I can be called so. Though I’m always excited about cooking, I’m just not confident enough to treat anyone. I can safely say that I cook enough to survive and cooking is a stress buster to me. I cannot tell you how proud I feel when I cook something delicious. That somehow gives me the feeling that I’m on the top of the world. I know it is a bit of an exaggeration but that is really how it feels when I see yummy food entirely made by me.

On the other hand, my mum, my grand mother and my jejamma, all have been excellent cooks. They make amazing things out of the simplest of ingredients. While I can never cook like them, I do try to. Now that I don’t have my jejamma and ammamma to learn from, my mother is my only direct teacher apart from internet. I now wish I had learnt cooking in my growing up years when my jeji was alive. Apart from the day to day food, I used to get containers filled with home made snacks for my hostel dwellings. Aah, those memories 😍.

Not being able to tend to her in her last years is one of my biggest regrets in life. I got so much from her but couldn’t give her anything back. I wish I had given her my time. I wish I had taken a year off and spent time with her. Just imagine how much I could’ve learnt. She lived for about 80 years. Decades of knowledge lost in transition. I wish I made her a priority and took care of her when she needed us the most. Maybe, our love and care might have added a year or two to her life.

I will never repeat the same mistake with my parents. I will be there for them whenever they need me. No matter how hard it gets and how annoyed i feel or how much our differences grow, I’ll make myself available for them.

And on a lighter note, I also try to learn a thing or two from Mum every now and then. I write down recipes that she explains me on phone and then try them out. So, this is what I found today on my notes and so shared it here as a part of my curator series.

In a life filled with memories, food makes so many that even tera bytes seem less to frame them all in words β˜ΊοΈπŸ˜šπŸ€—πŸ˜.

Curator series #2 – Birthday Memories

Curator series #2 – Birthday Memories

When I think of birthdays, the first thing that comes to my mind is the birthday that I spent in office for the whole day and then met my 3 besties for dinner. It was nothing big or great but just some cake and dinner at a tacky restaurant. But those were my happy memories with people who genuinely loved me and befriended me for what I am despite knowing all my flaws and claws. They were all too busy people working full-time like me and some even in shifts. Yet, they gave me some time of their life which left me with memories that I will cherish forever. Thank you and Love you guys. My only regret is that I wish i had spent more quality time with you. Now that we are all in different parts of the world, it leaves me wondering, have i been a good friend to you all as you have been to me? I hope so.

And you, the guy who loved me with all my deficiencies, I don’t know if i have ever loved you, but i know this for sure that I cared for you like i did for none. Being the girl who never wanted to leave home on her birthday, who wanted to stay at home with Mom n Pop at all costs on all birthdays, i travelled on those stupid village buses for 3 hours only to let you have a glimpse of me on my birthday. And oh boy, the way you looked at me and the way you loved that birthday dress were things forever etched in my memory. I didn’t part with that parrot green dress for atleast 5 years. Thank you for loving me the way you did. Your love made me love myself. Your love told me that I’m worthy of being loved. We have our own flaws but whatever we shared was perfect in its own terms. For that I’ll be eternally grateful and a part of me will always love and cherish your memory.

During all those birthdays while at school, i always wanted to skip school on that day and that was one day my wish was always granted. I used to go to school, show-off my new dress, be the birthday girl and distribute sweets or wafers and come home to the yummy food mumma used to make. Till date, no other memory beat this one, for it happened so many times that i now wish for one more of such birthdays forever. And this feeling makes me wonder, can we ever love our parents like the way they love us? What kind of bond is it that binds us so strongly to them despite all the differences and distance in the world. I wish it wasn’t, as that would have made a lot of my decisions easier to decide.

Another good memory is the last birthday with ammamma. She died a month after that and that memory of her forcing me to wear a traditional dress and making all those dishes for me on that day. Ammamma and Taathagaru, I never really realised how much important you guys were to me until you left. I atleast had grandpa until i finished college but you ammamma, did you have to leave while i was still at school? But anyways, maybe, you wanted to leave that memory for me and so called us over to the village for that birthday. Thank you for leaving me with such lovely memories.

And left are just memories, some sad, some mad and some just normal. Of those, the birthday that i spent in Johannesburg comes to thought first. But it is not necessarily bad. My stupid ego played games all day and at the end, people around me still forgave me and showed kindness. That is my introduction to inherent goodness in people. They left me with no choice but only love and respect them after that. African wildlife Safari and a cosy birthday party with friends isn’t that bad afterall.

Update: 22Oct2018

And then there is the 2017 birthday in Melbourne that is during a very crucial point in my life. The transition time between my suffering and certain realisations. Loved every bit of Melbourne and its experiences. The friends it gave me and the love they shared are just invaluable. It was only after 2017 that I came to know that even cities can love and be loved. One day, I’ll be there, loving it, living in it.

I wrote this post on 26June2017. A couple of weeks before my 28th birthday in Melbourne. I guess 6 months of living alone in a new city makes you recollect all the memories of a day that is important yet not so important to everyone. I’ll be 30 by the next birthday but I look forward to every year that adds new pages to my book of life.

Curator of things #1

I have many addictions. And of all those, the worst is my addiction to collect. It is not just any one thing in specific. I collect a variety of things. I don’t know for sure, but maybe, many of us do but never realise how much and what all we collect.

I collect movies, trust me, I have TBs of hard disks filled with movies collected over the course of time. I collect songs, way too many and worse, i make “listen later” lists for songs! I make “read later”, “watch later”, “re-read later” lists on my phone, laptop, shopping sites and even on my office and personal emails. I take monthly backups of bookmarks so that I’ll not lose my endless list of curated content. No matter how much I try, I never see the end of my bookmark list. My list doesn’t just end with movies, music and books. It just starts there, voyaging into realms of articles about politics, history, art, home decor, cooking, baking, architecture, relationships, friends, family, culture, immigration, studies, climate, technology and whatnot.

I also collect, pictures and screenshots of content that I one day want to revisit. It even seems like my life is an attempt to collect things for a future that I might never see. Instead of living in now, I save everything for an unknown future whose arrival date I’ll never know. What a waste of life that is.

So, I want to start a cleanse. Infact I’ve already started one. My last 2 posts were a part of me revisiting my notes on my phone. Hereon, i will try to collect less and live more. The only place where I’m going to curate things is this place with my thoughts around them. I need a phone, body and mind cleanse and I’ll get it.

So, here it is, #1: Job related

Ten Things Never, Ever To Say In Your Resume
https://www-forbes-com.cdn.ampproject.org/c/s/www.forbes.com/sites/lizryan/2017/06/02/ten-things-never-ever-to-say-in-your-resume/amp/

One good piece of advice, let your achievements talk of your qualities instead of the adjectives you would like to describe yourself.

If you go deeper into other advices on the site, “lead by example” and “trust but verify” are a few more that I came across today when I revisited the site. Here’s the link to the 2nd article.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/chrismyers/2018/10/17/how-this-millennial-came-to-realize-the-value-of-old-school-management-techniques/#5d2a567227cd

Here are my key takeaways:

  • Dust up your resume preparation skills and start redoing it again.
  • My resume needs to wake up from its zombie state.
  • Let your achievements speak instead of heavy adjectives.
  • Clear examples always lead the way.
  • If there are no resume worthy achievements or qualifications, it is never late to get some. The only secret is to work hard.
  • To be a leader, the best policy is to lead by example.
  • You don’t have to compromise on being tough to be a cool leader.
  • Always remember, trust and verify go side-by-side.