Rippling thoughts

Never in my life have I thought that I’ll be able to do casual talk with him. Life is weird in every possible way. It takes so many turns and sometimes leaves us on roads that one never expects to be on.

I miss him. From the way I scanned across the coach to the way I got angry at him for not coming up to me to say hi, it is clear to me that I miss him. However, what is still not clear is that, do I miss that friend of mine who is always in my heart OR do I miss his love and affection OR do I just miss talking to someone with no expectations attached. I wish there were simple answers. But given the way life turned around me, I’m sure that in time, I’ll definitely know what these weird feelings are all about.

This thought keep popping up more often these days when I think of him. That I miss and love him like the best friend he always was to me. My feelings for him were not the romantic kind because I never had those butterflies or the never ending love he had for me for years. How do I explain his affection for me now? After all that happened between us and after I continuously and consistently said NO to him for years, if not friendship, what is that we still have for each other.. OR am I just trying to console my heart that he was never yours and will never be.

Oh the lines, why are you so blurred that one cannot define something clearly. Did I cross any lines the last time we met that he was avoiding me at every chance he had. He had tonnes of opportunities and yet has been giving excuses. Maybe I’m right all along. Trust your gut and move ahead. This is just one late night phone call triggered by your sighting which wasn’t even worth meeting up in person. Don’t add too much worth to it and just continue living your miserable life as you were.

Good night.. to the flutters and hope that embraced me tonight, even if it is just for a second and as faint as the smell of grass that wavered by a gush of wind 💛💤💤💤.. and don’t forget to love yourself. If not you, who else will love you 🧡

Curator series #2 – Birthday Memories

Curator series #2 – Birthday Memories

When I think of birthdays, the first thing that comes to my mind is the birthday that I spent in office for the whole day and then met my 3 besties for dinner. It was nothing big or great but just some cake and dinner at a tacky restaurant. But those were my happy memories with people who genuinely loved me and befriended me for what I am despite knowing all my flaws and claws. They were all too busy people working full-time like me and some even in shifts. Yet, they gave me some time of their life which left me with memories that I will cherish forever. Thank you and Love you guys. My only regret is that I wish i had spent more quality time with you. Now that we are all in different parts of the world, it leaves me wondering, have i been a good friend to you all as you have been to me? I hope so.

And you, the guy who loved me with all my deficiencies, I don’t know if i have ever loved you, but i know this for sure that I cared for you like i did for none. Being the girl who never wanted to leave home on her birthday, who wanted to stay at home with Mom n Pop at all costs on all birthdays, i travelled on those stupid village buses for 3 hours only to let you have a glimpse of me on my birthday. And oh boy, the way you looked at me and the way you loved that birthday dress were things forever etched in my memory. I didn’t part with that parrot green dress for atleast 5 years. Thank you for loving me the way you did. Your love made me love myself. Your love told me that I’m worthy of being loved. We have our own flaws but whatever we shared was perfect in its own terms. For that I’ll be eternally grateful and a part of me will always love and cherish your memory.

During all those birthdays while at school, i always wanted to skip school on that day and that was one day my wish was always granted. I used to go to school, show-off my new dress, be the birthday girl and distribute sweets or wafers and come home to the yummy food mumma used to make. Till date, no other memory beat this one, for it happened so many times that i now wish for one more of such birthdays forever. And this feeling makes me wonder, can we ever love our parents like the way they love us? What kind of bond is it that binds us so strongly to them despite all the differences and distance in the world. I wish it wasn’t, as that would have made a lot of my decisions easier to decide.

Another good memory is the last birthday with ammamma. She died a month after that and that memory of her forcing me to wear a traditional dress and making all those dishes for me on that day. Ammamma and Taathagaru, I never really realised how much important you guys were to me until you left. I atleast had grandpa until i finished college but you ammamma, did you have to leave while i was still at school? But anyways, maybe, you wanted to leave that memory for me and so called us over to the village for that birthday. Thank you for leaving me with such lovely memories.

And left are just memories, some sad, some mad and some just normal. Of those, the birthday that i spent in Johannesburg comes to thought first. But it is not necessarily bad. My stupid ego played games all day and at the end, people around me still forgave me and showed kindness. That is my introduction to inherent goodness in people. They left me with no choice but only love and respect them after that. African wildlife Safari and a cosy birthday party with friends isn’t that bad afterall.

Update: 22Oct2018

And then there is the 2017 birthday in Melbourne that is during a very crucial point in my life. The transition time between my suffering and certain realisations. Loved every bit of Melbourne and its experiences. The friends it gave me and the love they shared are just invaluable. It was only after 2017 that I came to know that even cities can love and be loved. One day, I’ll be there, loving it, living in it.

I wrote this post on 26June2017. A couple of weeks before my 28th birthday in Melbourne. I guess 6 months of living alone in a new city makes you recollect all the memories of a day that is important yet not so important to everyone. I’ll be 30 by the next birthday but I look forward to every year that adds new pages to my book of life.

Geetanjali

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

——– Rabindranath Tagore

Time and again, we need reminders of such timeless gems to remind us of what we need to aspire to be and how we need to move ahead in testing & troubling times.

When you hit a wall, you don’t go back. You may divert and find a way around it or hit it hard again to break it down, but you don’t go back on any of the progress you made. You stand tall in face of adversity and face it with doubled courage and determination. That my dear, is life wanting you to live it fearlessly, loving the journey all the way and no matter what, never forget what your destination is and where you want to be.

Musing Mondays – 4

MusingMondays5

Musing Mondays is a weekly meme that asks you to choose one of the following prompts to answer:

  • I’m currently reading…
  • Up next I think I’ll read…
  • I bought the following book(s) in the past week…
  • I’m super excited to tell you about (book/author/bookish-news)…
  • I’m really upset by (book/author/bookish-news)…
  • I can’t wait to get a copy of…
  • I wish I could read ___, but…
  • I blogged about ____ this past week…

So, this week I choose “I’m super excited to tell you about (book/author/bookish-news)…”. Sometime back I finished reading “The year I met you” by Cecilia Ahern. I wanted to do a review ever since and somehow could not get myself to do it. Well, I am planning to review it this week and since i have stated it over here, I guess I will have no other option but to do the post. 😛 🙂
And, I’m currently reading “The Catcher in the Rye” by J.D. Salinger. I am sure most of you have already read it. But i am a bit lagging when it is the case with classics and don’t blame me, I’m just a late bloomer with English Classics.

THIS WEEK’S RANDOM QUESTION: Do you enjoy debating / discussing the books that others are currently reading? Why, or why not?

I do enjoy debating/discussing the books that other are currently reading only if i have read it earlier. There is no chance i would say a word when i haven’t read the book and again, i try not to talk in case if the reader doesn’t want any spoilers to be revealed. But once they are done reading, i would like to discuss everything about the book with no objections at all if they are ready to discuss. 🙂
So, this is me with the Monday Musing after skipping it last week. 🙂 I wish i don’t skip it more often. But then, that’s up-to me and you all have a great week and happy reading and Take care people. Bye Bye.

Love
Sahasra

Musing Mondays – 3

Musing Mondays are hosted by Miz B and it is one cool meme.

wpid-wp-1421011444536.jpeg

Musing Mondays is a weekly meme that asks you to choose one of the following prompts to answer:
I’m currently reading…
Up next I think I’ll read…
I bought the following book(s) in the past week…
I’m super excited to tell you about (book/author/bookish-news)…
I’m really upset by (book/author/bookish-news)…
I can’t wait to get a copy of…
I wish I could read ___, but…
I blogged about ____ this past week…

I very well know that i am not posting this on Monday but since i decided to make this a tradition on the blog, i thought it is better to be late than never and hence the post. Well, this week i choose, “I’m currently reading…”. I am currently reading Brida by Paulo Coehlo. I have started reading it sometime last year and never got anywhere near completion. It is fiction but not the regular type. When it is Paulo Coehlo, fiction doesn’t seem like fiction. It has all the spiritual and emotional rides you can find. And i find traits of personality development concepts too. Naturally, a normal fiction book makes me read from end to end without breaks and i would complete the book in no time. But this is not the same case with books like these. These spiritual books never allow me to do that ‘at a stretch’ thing. I will have to read a part only to be forced to stop and ponder over those thoughts and words and sometimes was even forced to give some serious thought and then move on to the next page or chapter. Now, with my heights of affection towards getting distracted, would i ever be able to finish such books on time?. That never happens and i take very long time to complete reading them. And Brida is one of those. As much as i love reading this book, i hate myself for taking so long for completing it. Now, i don’t want to put it down for the second time again just because i am tempted to read a thriller or romance. The book is interesting and time taking as well. I hope i complete it soon and come back with a review. But till then, bye bye.

Have a great day people. 🙂
Love
Sahasra. 

Musing Mondays – 2

Musing Mondays are hosted by Miz B. I copied this wonderful idea from Smitha.  Thank you people for this really cool meme 🙂

wpid-wp-1421011444536.jpeg

Musing Mondays is a weekly meme that asks you to choose one of the following prompts to answer:
I’m currently reading…
Up next I think I’ll read…
I bought the following book(s) in the past week…
I’m super excited to tell you about (book/author/bookish-news)…
I’m really upset by (book/author/bookish-news)…
I can’t wait to get a copy of…
I wish I could read ___, but…
I blogged about ____ this past week…

Well, this week i choose, “I bought the following book(s) in the past week..”

As i rambled in my previous post, i bought 3 books last week. There was a sale and i was there for the last 2 days of it and obviously was attracted and had no choice but to buy. It was not that i had lots of money to spare or the books were irresistible, i just had to buy them. By brain reasons out that if i was there, i was there for the purpose to buy. Strange, it never reasons me that way when i window shop for dresses!. May be that is also for the best. If not for that, i would have been bankrupt and would be writing another confessions book by now. 🙂 Okay, i am famous for the endless chatter and rambles so let’s get to the point.

I bought these books the past week.

1. Kipling by Jad Adams — I am more interested in reading Gandhi by Jad Adams but then, at a sale, you live with what you get!

2. Someone special by Sheila O’Flanagan — Did i ever tell you, Just like the way it is with Korea, anything and everything about Irish or Ireland interests me.

3. A short walk in the Hindukush by Eric Newby — Travel books always have a special spot in my heart. One should be surprised if i bought 3 books and at-least one of them isn’t a travel tale.

Though i started this meme during the blogathon, i did it because i really liked it. I wanted to do this as a habit and make a tradition on my blog. So, here i am with my Musing. 🙂

Hope you all are having a great Monday. Good bye and take care.

Love
Sahasra

Musing Mondays – 1

Musing Mondays are hosted by Miz B. I copied this wonderful idea from Smitha.  Thank you for helping me fill my Monday with something i love. 🙂

wpid-wp-1421011444536.jpeg

Musing Mondays is a weekly meme that asks you to choose one of the following prompts to answer:
I’m currently reading…
Up next I think I’ll read…
I bought the following book(s) in the past week…
I’m super excited to tell you about (book/author/bookish-news)…
I’m really upset by (book/author/bookish-news)…
I can’t wait to get a copy of…
I wish I could read ___, but…
I blogged about ____ this past week…

I choose, “I’m really upset by (book/author/bookish-news)… ”  for this Monday. I recently happened to read Ravinder Singh’s latest book, “Your dreams are mine now”. And i was really upset with the book. I like the author and have high expectations from him and i wish he did better.

That’s all for today and many thanks to Miz B for creating this really easy Meme and Smitha for finding this. 🙂 Have a great day people.

Love
Sahasra