Relive

I have no clue how people with tough lives and sad memories write memoirs or autobiographies. It is such a painful thing to do. It is almost as if the person is reliving their entire life which is more painful than the original version. Atleast in the original, we just live experiencing pain or any feelings along the way. But while writing, we recollect everything and anything the mind remembers. And you see, this thing called brain is so amazingly weird that it remembers everything that caused you pain but forgets others point of view entirely. In such cases, writing becomes the most painful and tiring activity one has ever performed.

It crushes the soul like anything breaking the heart into millions of pieces every waking minute and day. And at times like this when you realise that there is a pattern in your life and you might have repeated your past mistakes, just kills you. It need not be true but to people like me, everything seems to be wrong or done the wrong way or done for the wrong reasons, in retrospect.

I wish it was easy. ๐Ÿ˜ Or atleast, i wish it wasn’t this lonely.

Facts #2 – Complexities of my mind

  • I cannot sleep in open places. I need closed rooms to sleep.
  • I don’t like too much light anywhere.
  • I prefer dark, gloomy and warm to anything else.
  • I can only sleep when it is dead dark.
  • I cannot share any of my things (my cup, my plate, my bedsheets, my pillow, my side of the bed, my house key) with anyone. Not even my husband. 
  • I cannot take it when someone messes up with things like my cupboard arrangement, my wardrobe, my kitchen setup.
  • I’m too gaurded and closed for anyone.
  • I’m too scared to open up to anyone. Too scared to let anyone know my fears and vulnerabilities.
  • I find it too difficult to trust anyone. If I trust someone, it means a lot to me.
  • I love my sister to death but not sure if i love myself enough.
  • I am a woman of contradictions and complex thoughts.

    Is there any reason why a person can be this weird and messed up? Am i damaged mentally? Am i not meant for a happy and simple life? How do i know?

    ICC world cup Cricket Finals 2017

    Well played India. Thank you for all your efforts and most importantly thank you for creating this interest about women’s cricket in India. It is a heartbreak but you paved a way to many others and one day some other team of blue women will lift that trophy for sure. Jhulan Goswami, Punam Raut, Kaur, Veda, Deepti and the entire team is amazing and did decent job. There will be a day when it is yours to boast and it is just not today.

    For anyone who might wonder, I would react in the same way when our men lose a match. The last time I lost my control over a cricket team losing a match is when i was 16.

    England won the match and they very well deserved the win for their well-planned bowling and amazing fielding. May the better team win is always the moto of the game and it prevails. The tension, the nail biting, waiting on the edge of your seat for each and every ball, these are all the very same things a cricket match played by men give us and it is nothing different today. I just hope this craze over Women’s cricket stays and grows more that one day, it is treated on par with men’s cricket.

    I’m justโ€‹ surprised to see how fit these women are and how much hardwork they must have put into to be like that. I wish i have atleast 10 percent of that, and i would be something else. I’m a lil bit ashamed that here they are, women playing an ODI match and me who cannot run for 10 minutes to save myself from Rain! I know, I’m Hopeless! ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜‹โ˜บ๏ธ

    World cup cricket 2017 – Semis

    I haven’t seen a more interesting cricket match in the recent years. True, it has been years since I have stopped watching cricket actively, but have always followed what’s happening in the cricket world. Well, the match isn’t over yet but it is worth all the applause it is getting. Never did i expect that a women’s cricket match would make me go all crazy about cricket and i would end up writing a post about it.

    Yes, i am talking about a women’s cricket match. Why would i not. It is a world cup semi-final match between India and the defending champions Australia. India scored 280 in their first innings in just 42 overs with Harman Preet Kaur scoring 170 plus not out. Trust me, it is just not about the numbers. It is the adrenaline rush the match is giving. Just had to wait out the sluggish intial overs in the 1st innings and then it is a treat. I can now proudly say that I have watched one awesome innings in the history of cricket. I sure have tonnes of regrets missing many a wonderful matches in this veey short 28 year old life time but this is match is a medicine that eases out all those regretful days.

    Somewhere within, i am a little bit proud that this is a women’s match that I am raving so much about. To hell with fairness, i am happy and proud that i am seeing a women’s cricket match on TV with all the commercials and commentary like a proper cricket match in a stadium filled with a decent crowd. I know 2nd innings is boring when it is the opposite team chasing but still this match wants me to watch. It reminds me of the 2015 men’s world cup semi-final where India lost to Australia chasing a 300 plus target. 

    I am not much inclined to the technicalities of the game as i never really played cricket and is just an ardent fan and supporter. So, I’ll spare you the technical details of the match and ask you to just turn on your tv and watch this match. No matter who wins, women are the winners and India already won my heart with the batting and bowling untill now. If India took over Australia today, it is history for Indian cricket. Taking over such a team is just something amazing. I just wish that one day, in my country called India, where cricket is a religion, it becomes common for a woman to come out and play cricket on the street and be taken seriously by the people around.

    I’m yawning and dying to sleep but just struggling tostay awake untik the match ends. Hope you all like it as much as I can.