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A good weekend

After a Friday night that was restless and uncomfortable, there came a Saturday that was pleasant and cool.

I woke up early but dozed on and off only to finally wake up at around 10:30. With my weekend chores, I was busy sorting the house that I religiously make messy over the week. And then got vegetables at our weekly veggie market and started prepping them for the week while watching JuzzBaat on Fire TV stick.

I must tell you, the show’s good. The one episode that I liked the most or should I say that moved me to my core and made me shed water works is the one with Adaa Khan and Karanvir Bohra. The episode was so emotional and equally funny. While Adaa Khan made it emotional and made me cry, Karanvir Bohra is what you would always want, a break from reality and such a fun person he is. He & his life is too good to be true. Though I loved Adaa Khan’s beautiful act as a Naagin, I was never a fan. But today, I just loved her like anything. She smiles through tears, she smiles through happiness, she smiles when it’s funny too. And she smiles with all her face and her teary eyed smile will tell the kind of strength the girl has that can help her swim through the storms of life. I’m actually amazed and inspired. Strength in the face of adversity is always inspiring. One might think that her life wasn’t a real struggle, but I think it is something only the individual can decide, if something is a struggle or not. Sometimes, the silliest of things to us becomes someone’s struggle and vice-versa. So, I wouldn’t judge anyone on that basis.

After juzzbaat, i delved into TV soaps that I watch once in every couple of weeks and love them while being played on fast forward ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜‹. In the process I made chicken pulav using leftover chicken curry from the week and then while having dinner, I started the movie Parmanu.

Let me confess, Raazi and Parmanu were the hindi movies that I waited for this year. But since I bought the fire TV stick, i decided to compensate the expense by not going out to the mall for movies. So, I waited for 60 days for those movies to be available on Amazon Prime and Zee. I almost spent an approximate 5000 on the stick and other subscriptions altogether.

So, I watched Raazi a week back and got to watch Parmanu today. I must say, I’m blown away by Parmanu and liked Raazi. Maybe, I expected a little too much from Raazi and a little too less from Parmanu. It is such a difficult task to hold the interest of the audience on a dry story like Parmanu where all the basic information is laid out for all on the web. But it was good. Please watch it if you haven’t. The subscription was worth the movie. I did not subscribe to zee premium only for that movie but the movie was still worth the amount(500 per year). By the way, Parmanu is also good for one more reason. The testing of nuclear weapons did change the face of India on the world map. We were treated with more respect and had a big leverage against everyone who considered us a mere third world country that would play to their tunes. Though I don’t support collection and usage of nuclear weapons or our laughable no first use policy, I still think that at a time when the world is just thinking of itself and was willing to put the future of other countries on line for their own prosperity, India took a stand and took back the control that was almost lost. It was a moment in Indian history which proved that one strong man, a man who is a soft spoken hindi poet by hobby despite being a prime time politician, is capable of showing determination and courage to take tough decisions thay decide the fate the country, without having to be cruel or corrupt. I’m so glad that such a moment is captured on celluloid. John Abraham has started to gain my respect with these films like Madras Cafe and Parmanu. I’m glad he did these films that would otherwise may have remained as documentaries.

By the way, while the pulav was good, i tried my popsicle mould for the first time today and is awaiting the results. I hope they turn out good too๐Ÿ˜Š.

So here I am, almost dozing off, with a wonderful feeling that i made good use of a Saturday. I just wish I had gone to the parlor, rode my bike and read something useful. But since I can still do them all tomorrow, I’ll sign-off on a happy note.

Have a great Sunday people. Hope you all have Fun too ๐Ÿค—โ˜บ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜Ž.

I understand

Maybe, it is in these slow moments like these that people understand how easy it is to die.

That distance between the fan and you. That piece of cloth that binds your neck and that fan into eternity seems like your best friend. I now understand how and why it becomes so easy to die.

I always wondered about the strength of the people who take their own lives. I always thought I was a coward and could never take my own life. But it is not you that needs to be strong it is the situation that needs to be strong enough to turn your cowardice into courage.

It is in those moments when life becomes so heavy and tough to live, it is in those moments when a fast forward or full rewind is all you wish for but neither happens and you are stuck in the present, that makes death your best friend.

You absolutely don’t know what it is that awaits us on the other end. And that is when you take the plunge, a leap of faith into the unknown. I really don’t know why people use this phrase when they get into thibgs like marriage, new job etc. They aren’t unknown results in those. They can either work or do not work, unlike death, which is a perfect black hole.

And it also feels as if people think that I’m faking pain, and trying to gain sympathy when i talk about death or suicidal thoughts. No, I’m not trying to gain any sympathy. I couldn’t care less about your symapthy. I just need to leave reninders to people that on the day it happened, people wouldn’t think it is all sudden. So that tgey wouldn’t say, I thought it was all okay, i didn’t know there were such issues in her head, her committing suicide was totally unexpected, it was all too sudden and strange. I don’t want people say that.

I want them to know that I’m not okay and I did the best i can and it is only because my best isn’t enough and i couldn’t live with my best that i had to leave and disappear into the unknown.

I’m not the genius who excelled at everything i did. But I’m no normal. I’m crazy in my head. I have thoughts and feelings no one around me has. I rarely find people like me. I’m full of contradictions and complexities. I’m just me. I’m a person who is a mystery to myself. All my life, I’ve been trying to understand myself. Not that I succeeded, but i got somewhere. You can see how my brain works if you read my blog.

I now decided, the day I’m going to die, I’m going to go public and tell everyone around me of my blog. Maybe, they may understand how stupid i am and how crazy my brain works. I’m just a lost soul that craves to be understood. God help all such souls outside. I’m really sorry for being in the lives of those around me, for i have given them nothing but pain. I’m a sadness in their lives that i can never take away. Only time and distance can do that. I’m sad that my parents had me. I wish they had someone else other than me.. they wouldn’t be this unhappy.

Fidaa โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’”โค๏ธ

Woah, what a movie! I happened to watch it on Friday and was just unable to get it out of my head. Being the amazing movie it is, it covered all the bases; be it the waterworks it caused during emotional scenes, laughing riot with the comic timing of those situational jokes, the feeling of falling in love, the freshness of first love, the sadness of heartbreak and whatnot. If you are any bit interested in watching a Telugu movie, just watch it. If you are thinking that this is a movie review, it isn’t one. Whether you like it or not, I’m just going to endlessly rave about the movie. 

After going crazy about Varun Tej with his movies like Mukunda, Loafer & Kanche, i wanted to watch all of his movies on the big screen as i missed watching the first 3 on big screen. And then Mister happened. Though i loved the visuals, the movie is not what i would love to see. This did not stop me from wanting to watch a wonderful movie of Varun and I waited endlessly for Fidaa. Varun has been my longest and first reason to watch Fidaa and I’m a total fan now. I now truly believe that Varun Tej is a directors actor. The subtle yet crazy young guy in Mukunda, the responsible young person in Kanche, the arrogant con in Loafer, the over acting rich NRI in Mister, and finally, the subtle yet responsible plus most lovable and adorable NRI in Fidaa, all of these were just examples of how good an actor he is. And coming to how he looks, do i even need to write about it? He is a heartthrob with that height, build and looks. And is it only me who loved his eyes in this movie? I guess they were contact lenses but this shade gave him that exotic look that the character he played. Varun, you are just amazing as this Varun. Loved you, laughed and cried with you. Thank you for being the amazing actor that you are.๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’•โค๏ธ

Growing up, being a girl with strong and independent thoughts, It is a given that i fell in love with all of sekhar kammula’s movies. How can you not like movies like Aanand, Happy days, Godavari, Leader and Life is beautiful? I know many say LIB isn’t that good, but i loved every single movie of his and it is a given thing that I would love Fidaa. But what I didn’t know was that I would love it this much that I’m going crazy over it. Like all his other movies, Fidaa leaves you with a reminder of all those memories that you had in similar situations in life, it leaves you yearning for more, you crave for more and most importantly, the movies have a connect with reality. How i can not acknowledge the sadness that Appaginthala scene brought to me, the rawness of those memories when a girl crushes on a guy, the feeling of being in love, cuteness and crazyness of first love, the heartbreak, the emotional confrontations, the airport hug, and the last scene where you realise that you are a lot closer to your love than you think you are. Thank you Sekhar garu for giving us such a wonderful movie, a movie that we get immersed into and yet reminds us of reality. Love and hate you for making me laugh and cry in the theatre. I’m going to watch it a couple more times at the least. It is just too good. But i must tell you, the second half felt like it is never going to end and the sadness was too much for a movie but i guess you know better and therefore no complaints. The movie is just magicalโ€‹. ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’ซ

Have you ever heard of this that you keep the best for the last? This is that case. I loved Sai Pallavi so much in Premam that i watched it 4 times just for her. I couldn’t tell you how much unhappy and angry I was when she wasn’t made a part of Premam Telugu. No matter how much I love Naga Chaitanya, i just didn’t think premam telugu did that magic the originalโ€‹ did. When i was craving for more from you, i happened to read about Fidaa and that you are paired against Varun Tej and it is a Sekhar Kammulas movie. I thought it would be a super hit in the making. I waited for it ever since but it was a long wait. With news about you being pulled out of many movies and Fidaa being delayed for an year, i thought this was never going to happen and then the songs were released and then came both the trailers. Cannot tell you how excited i was to watchโ€‹ the movie. I don’t remember of any other movie in my life that i had gone to, on the first day. I watched it in Melbourne at 8:30 in the night in a remote place all alone. I could’ve waited until the end of the month to watch it in India with Friends, but no, i couldn’t wait. I must tell you, it was all worth the wait. The movie is amazing and i loved every minute of it and loved every minute of yours. I know you are not that confident with wearing certain types of clothes and that you are a shy and reserved person but on screen, you were a different person. You are just amazing and terrific. I have seen girls from Telangana who are exactly like this girl Bhanu. This is a secret that I’m revealing today that this is my original name. If anyone bothers to read this long post, they’ll know! Anyways, only after going into the movie did i understand why the guy giving tickets, had this huge grin on his face when i said my name. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‹. But I’m more like the sister character than yours so that’s another thing. The most loved scenesโ€‹ are those confrontations between Bhanu and Varun in second half. Trust me, it is not just you and Varun who were crying, emotional fools like me were also with you on it. Thank you for giving us the bubbly, chirpy, loud and happy bhanu. And the last scene where you look sad throughout the wedding only to realise that he is going to stay and you shower him with all that love at once, is just too lovely and cuteness overloadedโ€‹. I now need to find a copy of that movie Kali with Dalquer and i hope your other movies are also this good and cannot wait for your movie with Nani. Wait, i forgot to mention how amazing(read cute and sexy) you looked in all those songs and how good you are as a dancer. You made me want to dance! Love you Sai Pallavi. ๐Ÿ’•

When a movie gives me a strong female character to love, i love the movie. There are no ifs and buts to it. They speak their mind and do what their heart says. That is how i want me to be and these movies are just reminders to that. The fact that you can give clean entertiners is totally lost in our film industry and these movies are just proofs that with a good story and amazing direction, you can give good movies that can earn money too. 

Concluding my rant, I am Fidaa over this movie. โœ๏ธ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿค—