This n that

Well, I wanted to keep posting updates regularly so that i stay on course with my list. Though not exactly, but to the maximum possible extent.

The weekend was another waste except for lots of cooking, binge watching and reading. One good thing is that my erratic sleeping hours are a bit under control. I have made​ new rules about food and sleep cycles.

  1. No food after 10pm. If at all I’m too hungry or craving for something, then i can have a fruit or a few grapes.
  2. No coke or caffeine after work hours. Try to limit myself to one coffee a day.
  3. Get back to drinking green tea and atleast one bottle of water per day.
  4. Little or no rice in main courses while adding more veggies and protein. Add soups to dinner menus.
  5. Make mental notes of sugar and salt intake. Regulate and control it.
  6. Finish food in fridge before cooking anything else.
  7. Finish groceries at hand before buying anymore.
  8. Minimal usage of Carol’s resources.
  9. Sleep early and wake up early. I know, this is the toughest of all!
  10. Make proper use of lunch break at office. Maybe, walk for 20 minutes everyday! Do something other than work.

Well, i know I’m making too many lists. But to me, making lists is the most effective way to get back on track. I’m tuned that way. I think most of the tasks on my list are actionable and pretty much reasonable. Let’s see how it goes. It will be good if i atleast suceed doing half of the list. As Don Tillman would say, it is like a Gordian knot where one of these might help me get everything done.

Talking of Don Tillman, i have started reading “The Rosie Effect” by Graeme Simson. The 2nd one in the series after “The Rosie Project” which was one wonderful book. 50 pages into it, i now think i need to revisit Rosie Project again! There seem to be lapses in memory. 😋 Memory loss at 27(28 in a month!). Anyways, totally loving Rosie Effect but thinking of keeping it on hold and reading Rosie Project again. I’m not exactly sure where to buy the book but need to search for it. For the love of Don and Rosie, I need to reread it.

Good night ppl. Signing off for the day, Shabba Kher.

Some promises to myself

  • Sleep on time.
  • Eat on time.
  • No matter what, tell yourself “I Love You” at the start and end of the day, everyday.
  • Make 2 lists everyday. One for work and other for life. Make them happen without killing yourself.
  • Watch a movie once a week and more than one if possible.
  • Whenever you think of suicide, think of maa, paa and chinnu. And about the wonderful life you could have lived if you have just learnt to live through.
  • Try to do some form of exercise everyday.
  • Do not sleep during the day. i.e. weekends. Visit atleast one new place every week.
  • Watch all those pending series.. only on weekdays huh!
  • Completely read one book every week and write a review on every Saturday.
  • You have a wonderful phone. Take advantage of it and make sure you click 2 pictures every day. One of yours and the other of Melbourne.
  • Fall in love with yourself and Melbourne again.
  • If shopping makes you feel better, do.  Splurging on yourself is so worth it.
  • Do atleast one online course a month. Doesn’t matter how small or big it is, just decide and do.
  • Start preparing your resume.
  • Update the LinkedIn profile.
  • Sit with Dad and do taxes. Learn about your financial worth.
  • Learn the art of investing.
  • Make bucket lists for life, for Melbourne, for everything that you can think of.
  • Accept your mistakes and learn to move forward.
  • Listen, no matter what, you are always worth someone’s time and love. And ofcourse, you are capable of loving someone.
  • It is okay to be selfish.
  • Understand that you can write the best story of your life only by living it wholeheartedly enjoying every moment of it.
  • Keep looking at this list as a reminder and work on it. Keep updating it whenever required.
  • Your goal in life is to be happy not just to be someone’s daughter or sister or wife or anything. 
  • It is okay to be different and thinking like this is NOT A MISTAKE.

2016 – How has it been?

I should have written this post before telling you all about my plans for the next 3 months.
But anyways, better document now than never 🙂 And so here I am.

I now officially declare that 2016 has been one of the crappiest years of my very short 27-year-old life. And as I didn’t want to share only crappy news on my blog, I didn’t share any of my reasons on the blog throughout the 2nd part of the year. But it just isn’t working. Sharing things on my blog anonymously is the only thing that helped me be sane in this insane world. And I cannot take that option away from me even if it meant that my blog becomes a long, uninteresting sob story. So here I am, spilling out all the beans of 2016 and why it earned the Crappiest title in my books.

1. The year started with me losing out an opportunity to go live and work in Oz. That offer went out to a senior who was from a different team who completely double crossed me and took advantage of the information I shared with him about a requirement over there.
And how did it feel? Crappy and hopeless.
Am I over it? Yes, forgave him in a month or so and sometime during the middle of the year, I made peace with myself.
Now? I got an offer to go but there is still a lingering regret that I would have made it permanent by now. But anyways, better late than never!

2. I got married – I cannot call it a reason for this year being the crappiest one but it eventually led to things that resulted in the crappy part. Like, me having to live with the in-laws, in and outs of depression, health deterioration and what not.
I still don’t know if I made the right choice or if I am happy in the marriage or not, but it is still on and there is more to come in future.

3. My hard earned money is all spent on my marriage that isn’t so wonderful till date, Gadgets that didn’t even last an year, ridiculously expensive health checks that gave only bad news and don’t even exempt me from income tax and tonnes of shopping which still makes me feel like I have no clothes and the three times more rent that I pay!

4. Health – Health – Health: Biggest of all that made me realise how fragile I really was. All my life I was considered the healthy and happy child. Not that Fat wala healthy aah.. I became fat after college. But anyways, I was never the hospital visiting or skipping school wala kid. And imagine I took almost 40 paid leaves this year. 15 for marriage and the rest only due to my health. I know, I am hopeless. But then, I think there is still lot more story to it that would itself make a complete post which I will save for later. But to conclude, the base reasons were accidents(road & kitchen) and PCOS. Yes, I was diagnosed with PCOS. And additionally what I know for sure is that I am in depression and wasn’t just tested for it!

5. Work & Job: A BIG BIG SIGH!!!!! What can I say, with all those sick leaves and marriage leaves, you must be guessing it by now, how wonderful I must have been at the job. Only thanks to my conscience that didn’t want to fail me miserably, I managed to struggle and get my grip back from the 2nd half of the year after we moved out of the in-law’s house. Yes, they are inter-related and that story is for another time. And it was just some sheer luck and some reputation that I have earned with all these years on the Job that I now got my Melbourne offer otherwise, I would be in deep trouble! And even if I leave all the work and pay and bosses etc, there are these things called work satisfaction, dedication & willingness to put effort, and most importantly, the will or want to work, they died.

6. After posting the piece, I was doing some reading and then realise that there are a few more really important reasons that I forgot to add and hence these additions.

  • Due to whatsoever reasons, I only managed to read a shamingly less number of books. I’m sorry if it meant like an offense to you, but to a girl/woman who boasts of reading as her first love, it is a SHAME to have the book count less than 10!
  • 2nd worse thing than not reading books is not watching movies. From a girl who watched 3 movies back to back in theaters on a single day, I went to this girl who watched one movie in 2 months! That was blasphemous in my imaginary world.
  • I can call it the 3rd bad thing after Books & Movies but I myself wanted a restraint over this but this still has a place on this list because not doing this also caused this year to be crappy. Okay, it is watching my beloved K-Dramas! I still am not sure whether to unleash my fury and go download a tonne or keep up the restraint charade, but again I miss you my lovelies!
  • Last but not the least, despite not working, not reading books, not watching Movies or Dramas, I didn’t do one proper Binge Reading on Blogosphere! Not even one! That is a rare feat in the last 4 years or so!

Can it be really any more crappy? I dunno!. I can recount some good things too… but they wouldn’t sound good if not for these bad things. And so, I don’t think I have the nerve to make this a cheesy thank you post as the main intention of this post is to get these things out or at least reduce their impact a minimum by getting them off my system.

And there goes the clock changing the date but considering the fact that I started writing the post at 11:50, I am going to change the time and post this one at 11:50. Please excuse me for cheating and take it in for the 3rd Jan post. I’m a little(only little huh) ashamed for doing this but nevertheless proud that I convinced myself to not give up and make some use out of this Blogathon.

A quick update: I found these very meaningful quotes and equally sensible post from Rekha of Dew Drops which resonate most of my feelings and very relevant that i had to add them over here as little reminders to myself.

Love, Sahasra.

Tears

Tears just wouldn’t stop. Till a moment ago, I had the excuse of onions in front of me. But now, they are done too. It has been the same since a couple of days. The fact that i have to leave for my real life tomorrow, is just killing me. It feels so heavy in the heart. And trying to write this out isn’t helping at all. Tears are bursting out allover. I had to lock myself in the room to prevent mum from watching me like this. These tears weren’t forced or fake. A pained heart is just crying out loud to take some weight of it.

I wish i know what my problem is. I know it is my marriage that is making me so unhappy. But there are no solid reasons to it. Well, it looks like the heart registers everything the mind wants to forget. Life proves to me again that no matter what, mind cannot control everything. 

The 30 day walking challenge – Day 2, 3, 4 & 5

I actually thought it would be easy to work out/walk on a week day rather than on a long weekend. I was so wrong.
October 2nd is a public holiday here in India and that makes this weekend a really long one. But you know what, against my strong belief, I walked on all three days. I’m so proud of myself.
October 2nd – Day 2 of the challenge
My first day’s effort, the blog post and responses to it worked amazingly on me. I was motivated and active throughout the day and there isn’t one dull moment. I cleaned up my room, did laundry, watched recent episodes of grey’s, scorpion and Castle and even went out to watch a movie. I thought I will be back by 8 and I can walk for an hour after that. But why will they be called Friends if they let you be on schedule. We were shopping, walking, window shopping and doing what not in the mall and I didn’t even see any sign of me leaving anytime soon. I can’t blame them for that as I was never the one to leave early and they thought I was joking when I told them that I have to leave to do my walking challenge. But as time went on, my temper really went up as I was so unhappy at the thought of failing at the challenge. And then, this idea popped up. I was already walking for the past 2 hours. Though not at a walking pace, I was doing some walking. I didn’t even sit for a few minutes and that must count for something. But then the guilt lady started talking in my head saying that I am cheating. I am supposed to walk 5500 steps that day.
Then, I decided to ditch my friends for a while and walk around the mall. I told them I was going into some other shop and just started walking. I walked for 20 minutes, joined them for a few minutes, walked again and repeated the process. Instead of cheating on the challenge, I cheated on the time I spent with my friends. But I must tell you, malls are such interesting places to walk with a crowd around you that doesn’t bother you at all. I love that alone in the crowd feeling. The cons are less friend time, not in comfortable clothing, no proper walking shoes.
I counted my steps and did nearly 2000. I was so happy and was sure that I did more than 6000 on the whole as it is 3 hours of walking altogether. Once I’m done, I didn’t care what time I got back. I just enjoyed my rest of the day spent over there.
I felt good because I really wanted to walk and was sad even at the thought missing my walk. I felt good because, I didn’t want to eat every second thing I laid my eye on. I thought of healthy and filling food and ate it.
And like Carl said, the first few steps were the hardest and once started, everything’s normal and easy.
October 3rd – Day 3 of the walking challenge
It is Friday and I convinced my sister and her friend to walk with me. We were doing rounds on the terrace. While my sister danced to songs, did cat/dog walks and had fun, we walked and walked untill we completed 6000 steps. Music is my saviour today and I did it today with no excuses or stories. And huh, I counted my steps today and I realised that I’m walking faster and covering more steps than my pedometer and is almost 30 steps ahead of it for every 500 steps. I didn’t mind the difference and in fact, I was more happy that I was doing more. 🙂
October 4th – Day 4 of the walking challenge
The other day when I was at the mall with my friends, I had to give my phone away to buy some time. Some crazy friends I have!. They told me that they will be exploring my phone for my secrets. I laughed out and thought, what kind of secrets are those that I would store in my phone and happily gave my phone and went of for my walk. on day 4 along with music, I also had a lot of thoughts that kept me very busy. First they are about this conversation on secrets. I am really astonished at my stupidity. I totally forgot that my wordpress had no locks or passwords on it and access to my phone is the only way for them to ever figure out about my blog. They haven’t said any word but I really don’t know for sure about the secrecy of my blog anymore. Since there’s nothing that I can do about it, my thoughts wandered in a different direction and was totally lost in my thoughts when I crossed my 6500 step mark and went on walking for another 400. 🙂
October 5th – Day 5 of the walking challenge
I woke up at around 5:30 when my sister is about to leave for her 6am class. Tried to sleep and rolled over the bed for another 2 hours and gave up which led to a tiresome day filled with nothing but work and yawns. I didn’t have a single coffee at office since 1 month and had to break that to control my brain. I felt as if I’m bribing my brain to work. 🙂 What choice do I have, when my brain forgot to put tea bags in my hot water until they turned icecold! And that happened twice!.
Anyways, with the tonnes of work to do and unplanned meetings that I had to attend, I reached home at around 9:30. It was 10 by the time I changed and had my food.
And here I thought that a weekday would be more planned and perfect for workouts and exercise. I didn’t even have a minute for myself until the clock stuck 10. We warmed up for a while and then started walking. I must tell you, this is the most difficult walk of all days. I was so tired and even dragged my feet a few times. It made me think about walking in the mornings. I have to give it a try even if I find it really difficult to follow. But again when the whole world rests, it is also a pleasure to enjoy the cool breeze while basking in the peaceful glory of the night. I love early mornings and late nights equally. I love the peace they bring with them.
And finally, I reached the 7000 mark today which made me really tired but really happy for not giving up. Its 5 days in a row and I’m surprising myself by showing some rare determination that I never thought I had. 🙂 I wish I continue this for the next 25 days too.
Thanks people for supporting me and encouraging me and most importantly, putting up with my ramblings. 😛 :).

Take care people.

Love,
Sahasra.

The 30-Day Walking Challenge – Day 1 – Oct 01 2015

Life has taken so many twists and turns(should I say twisted turns) in the past few months that I never found any time to pause and think for a while. And if by any chance, my brain is willing enough to go through all that mess and recollect any of those memories, I will gladly post the details of  those dark months as a reminder of all sorts. For better or worse, some things happened and as life always comes in a full circle, it landed me in the very same place I started shattering every possible dream I had in the meanwhile. I guess, I am now starting afresh. Luckily, this week wasn’t a busy one and I got real time to surf through what’s happening around me and trust me there’s lot that I missed while I was neck deep in my own mess. But I hope to cover everything and catch up the pace soon and trust me, I missed reading your stories so much as if they were my own. Things settled down and I even see happiness around the corner and so I’m back here. 🙂

And, I am here today to tell you all about the 30 day walking challenge that I am taking up this month which is just for me and not for anyone else. I have to stop doing things for the wrong reasons and this is the first step. Talking about steps, today I covered some 5000+ steps in 56 minutes. Trust me, it isn’t easy. I have been a couch potato for a while and thought to do 2000 steps today. But then, I wasn’t tired at all after the first 2000 and so proceeded towards the 2nd which was not so easy.

30 day walking challenge

The challenge has a different pace for Beginner, Intermediate and Advanced level walkers. I choose the Intermediate one that starts at 5000 steps a day. The target is to be achieved in 50 minutes. i.e. 500 steps per 5 minutes. The step count gradually increases on a day to day basis and ends at a maximum of 10000 steps. Know what, there are rest days too. Sounds cool right. If you are interested, you can get more details about the 30 Day Walking Challenge by clicking on this link. And the site is the blog on myfitnesspal site. The blog contains many wonderful articles about fitness and food. Check out if you wanna know more.

It is cool because it is doable and is an achievable target. All you need is the determination to walk. I know, that is the hardest part of all. But that is the least I can do for myself. I hope I don’t find any excuses to skip the challenge. I really want to complete this one. My physical fitness levels are at their worst levels and looking at the way I’m going, there is no way I’m getting better without any immediate efforts. So, I will have to complete this without any excuses. Wish me good luck people. I need all the luck I can. My body is already aching with the sudden walking from this evening. But I don’t care. I completed my day 1 successfully and 29 to go. Yayy for me. And I  hope I can do a bit food control too. But that’s for another day and another post. Good Bye for now.

Good night and take care people. And most importantly, spare me a smile and be happy.
Love
Sahasra