Some feelings .. #1

Someone who’s very affectionate and who expresses their affection towards me. I love cuddling, hugging, and someone affectionately spooning my face and kissing me.

It must be the physical affection that I was deprived of since childhood that makes me crave for it, but if I ever have a partner, this is something that I need.

More than anything, I want to be with a kind, caring, affectionate and compassionate person who demonstrates his feelings towards me. There used to a time when intelligence attracted me, but now, I’m more into kind people. Intelligent people still attract me, but I often found out that most brainy people are arrogant. I later on realised that my type is emotionally intelligent, not just worldly intelligent who can earn money. It’s heart over brain for me and I heart feelings now πŸ˜‚.

This is no random post, this is something that I have always thought about on what I want or need from a partner. I just never had this level of clarity.

I now know that money, I can earn as much as I need and I can live with whatever I have without any regrets. And I’m getting there about not considering the physical attributes as some priority, but the qualities mentioned earlier, are a must and there’s no compromise there.

I’m just okay and good being on my own, living by myself and loving myself as much as I need, but if I ever find someone attractive enough to share this life with or carve some life together, then this would be my most important criteria.

Saying again, this is just my own monologue, something clicked in my head while doing something and realised that I’ll lose this if I didn’t pen it down now. I wanted to create a draft of it, but somehow I’m now convinced that this could be a post as well. So, that’s it πŸ‘»πŸ€.

I hope you’re all doing well and surviving this life in whichever way you can. Whatever the situation is, just take a breathe and live this minute, we can think about the next minute when we get there.. just live this minute in peace. That’s how I’m surviving.

Love, S

One of those days

It is one of those days when I find the need to….

  • To shout or yell at someone loudly about everything
  • To want to pull someone close, hold their hand and tell them that I’m not okay and that I need help
  • To feel like I’m living in a body again not some rotten piece of meat
  • To feel alive and joyous in my heart
  • To be excited about everything I have and the energy to get what I don’t.
  • To feel healthy and happy in my mind, body and soul..

And finally, to want to live now…. and later one day far in the future, to die a peaceful death.

Hello There!

I know we all live in the same world and strangely under the same reality for the first time ever.

And I also know that it has been a long time since I posted anything here. But if you know anything about writing, you know how it is. You can only write when the mind wants to write. There is no forcing it or marching ahead no matter what. There is no other way around making one’s brain to write. So, it is the same case with me. Life got to me and I have been busy and with no space left in my brain to gather enough energy to write.

But I know I cannot stay away from this little space of mine forever and hence, here I am. So, whoever knows me, here’s a quick update and will get into the details of what all has been happening later.

I have been well and I hope you are all well and doing whatever is best for you in this situation.

Since I live in the capital city of a southern state of India and work in IT, I have been faring relatively well compared to the general population of the world. And I know that I shouldn’t complain, but I have worked 3 times more in the last 2 months than the entire Q4 of 2019-20. Partly because Q4 is usually filled with a lot of holidays and Corona has led to a lot more additional insecurity related to the Job resulting in me working harder than required. And since the last week, I have started going back to work after a long work from home period. It is not a choice and it could have been completely avoided for at least a couple more months but what can I do, I was asked to come back to the office and obliged after stalling it for 3 weeks. So, that’s that.

And before Coronavirus started its invasion, I was spending days miserably at work every day, just surviving week after week and filling weekends with endless chores and silently waiting for my bank balances to rise enough to help me make a move for my Melbourne plans. In a way, Coronavirus saved me from my depressing office setting. I wish I get to work from home for a couple more months. My productivity hit peaks during the last 2 months. I wish someone notices that and asks me to work from home for the rest of my life πŸ˜›Β  And my finances are a bit better now, with me reaching a break-even point in terms of expenses vs savings enough to survive me for a couple of years abroad. But now that we have new health scenarios in the picture, I realised that I also need to plan for health emergencies both for me and my family. It will be a few more months of toiling but I’m sure I can tolerate this job and frankly, I don’t have a lot of choices, with or without the world being this way.

And after surviving anonymity for a decade, I made a mistake last week of linking my newly created Instagram account for the blog with my personal account and it sent out notifications to everyone on my contact list. This stress caused due to this is equivalent to that of a heart attack and somehow I survived it by making the blog private for a while and deleting the said Instagram account.

To all my friends in this sphere, I hope you all are doing well in your lives and not hit by the covid19 pandemic. I would love to know that you are doing okay. Please stop by if you have a minute and drop me an email if you just want someone to talk to.

Love, Sahasra.

 

A good weekend #1

I wish there were more of these. It was in no way perfect but it was a good weekend.

I got a few pending things done, I did some physical activity, I finished a drama, I ended up getting some quality sleep eve though it is just for a couple of hours midday on a full stomach. Most importantly, I managed to converse with my neighbours and also enjoyed my seclusion. I was listening to music and stocked & prepped for the week.

Well, there are many other things that I had wanted to do, like, doing a little reading, writing something, getting some office work done, finishing a course, dusting the bike and riding it, going for a walk and sleeping on time. But like I said, despite of all the things that I didn’t do, this weekend feels like a success as I did my best and rested when I was tired and depressed. I wish the week goes smooth too.

There are a few things I want to accomplish this week but irrespective of checking the items on the list, I also want to end the week in a better or if it permits, in a happy mood.

So, here’s the things for the week to just make it do.

1. Work diligently without getting distracted at work.

2. Sleep early and wake up early.

3. Eat well and eat healthy.

4. Not to stress out about things that didn’t work out, both at work and at home.

5. Talk more often with friends and family.

6. Get some exercise, in whichever way you can.

7. Most importantly, smile a lot.

8. Do one thing that helps you with your future.

When doing a lot seems to be impossible, just doing the minimal, should do.

Why be unhappy about not being able to do a tonne? Just do the needful at the moment and slowly work your way through the rest. This is my motto these days. I’m just getting by, one minute at a time and one day at a time.

Signing of for the day, and looking forward to a great week ahead 😊😎.

Unexpected

I have had a great Monday despite the travel blues and a sleepless night the day before. It wasn’t perfect but was satisfactory. Then came Tuesday which turned out to be the worst of its kind in every possible way.

This morning, when I woke up, I told myself to do something good today. But one thing after the other kept going wrong. I still did not lose it. I still wanted to make it right. I wanted to finish atleast 4 pending tasks at work and call it a good work day. And most importantly, I did not want to distract myself with anything at work (writing, reading, watching) like I did yesterday. I still had my spirits up.

And then came the surprise when I booked a cab to go to the office. As soon as I boarded it, a wave of chilling cold air with a pleasant fragrance hit me. It is AC in combination with Lady Gaga Fame perfume. It is just amazing. It instantly triggered memories of Melbourne. I wondered if I’ll ever let Melbourne go. It reminded me of my love for the city. The chilly winters spent there, on the roads, in the rain, in the parks on sunny days, the music on the roads, those trams, that cold air that hits you when you go out of the airport for the first time, the city’s hustle, the silent suburbs, the peaceful ocean and the amazing skyline. The city that sounds happy on a Monday morning and also stays calm in its own way. It is my kind of city where you can enjoy to the fullest and yet be a silent watcher. I just cannot love it enough.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to live in that city but I desperately want to. I spent an year confused on what path I should choose. The Masters route or the PR through work route. I might be eligible for both and since I have enough experience and qualifications. The work route might be the easiest one but I desparately want a break from this work and I’m scared of taking a huge study loan for masters. And then there are other things to decide like, MS or MBA and if so where and what specialisation must I choose. I also have worries on the what ifs of me not succeeding or just not being good enough for that life.

I just don’t understand why I’m so confused and why is it so difficult for me to choose. But there is one thing that is sure from what I felt today. Melbourne will have to be a part of my life plans in whichever way possible. Even if I have to bet my entire savings and start afresh. I’ll have to be there at any cost. And now it is time to decide the how’s of it.

I never expected something simple to make me so determined. I’ll need to stay put on the thought and work this out. First things first, I need to finish the pending tasks at work and mark my first success of the day and then venture out. If you set your mind on it, nothing is impossible. Not even your ever distracting mind is unbeatable. While mind over matter is a thing, mind over mind is what I need to practice and succeed today.

Have a great day 😎.

Curator series #3 – Peanut chutney

Verusenaga pachadi recipe

Pan fry green chillies – 5 to 6 and then fry a quarter cup of groundnuts in the same pan.
They can be fried together as well but make sure they do not get burnt.

Once fried enough, take them off the stove and let the contents cool.

Once cooled off, transfer the contents to a mixer jar and add 1 garlic clove, some dried coconut, a very small piece of tamarind, salt, jeelakarra(cumin) and grind them all into a thick paste.

This mixture can be stored in refrigerator and can be stored for 3 to 4 days.

Add water to the paste to get required consistency before serving.

Tempering is optional and not mandatory.

πŸ˜†πŸ˜€πŸ˜πŸ˜‚

Well, that’s me laughing. Never even in my dreams have I ever thought that I would be posting a recipe on my blog. That’s not because it is wrong but because of how great I am at cooking πŸ˜‹. I’m not a chef or even home cook. I’m just a cooking enthusiastic. I don’t even know if I can be called so. Though I’m always excited about cooking, I’m just not confident enough to treat anyone. I can safely say that I cook enough to survive and cooking is a stress buster to me. I cannot tell you how proud I feel when I cook something delicious. That somehow gives me the feeling that I’m on the top of the world. I know it is a bit of an exaggeration but that is really how it feels when I see yummy food entirely made by me.

On the other hand, my mum, my grand mother and my jejamma, all have been excellent cooks. They make amazing things out of the simplest of ingredients. While I can never cook like them, I do try to. Now that I don’t have my jejamma and ammamma to learn from, my mother is my only direct teacher apart from internet. I now wish I had learnt cooking in my growing up years when my jeji was alive. Apart from the day to day food, I used to get containers filled with home made snacks for my hostel dwellings. Aah, those memories 😍.

Not being able to tend to her in her last years is one of my biggest regrets in life. I got so much from her but couldn’t give her anything back. I wish I had given her my time. I wish I had taken a year off and spent time with her. Just imagine how much I could’ve learnt. She lived for about 80 years. Decades of knowledge lost in transition. I wish I made her a priority and took care of her when she needed us the most. Maybe, our love and care might have added a year or two to her life.

I will never repeat the same mistake with my parents. I will be there for them whenever they need me. No matter how hard it gets and how annoyed i feel or how much our differences grow, I’ll make myself available for them.

And on a lighter note, I also try to learn a thing or two from Mum every now and then. I write down recipes that she explains me on phone and then try them out. So, this is what I found today on my notes and so shared it here as a part of my curator series.

In a life filled with memories, food makes so many that even tera bytes seem less to frame them all in words β˜ΊοΈπŸ˜šπŸ€—πŸ˜.

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