Some promises to myself

  • Sleep on time.
  • Eat on time.
  • No matter what, tell yourself “I Love You” at the start and end of the day, everyday.
  • Make 2 lists everyday. One for work and other for life. Make them happen without killing yourself.
  • Watch a movie once a week and more than one if possible.
  • Whenever you think of suicide, think of maa, paa and chinnu. And about the wonderful life you could have lived if you have just learnt to live through.
  • Try to do some form of exercise everyday.
  • Do not sleep during the day. i.e. weekends. Visit atleast one new place every week.
  • Watch all those pending series.. only on weekdays huh!
  • Completely read one book every week and write a review on every Saturday.
  • You have a wonderful phone. Take advantage of it and make sure you click 2 pictures every day. One of yours and the other of Melbourne.
  • Fall in love with yourself and Melbourne again.
  • If shopping makes you feel better, do.  Splurging on yourself is so worth it.
  • Do atleast one online course a month. Doesn’t matter how small or big it is, just decide and do.
  • Start preparing your resume.
  • Update the LinkedIn profile.
  • Sit with Dad and do taxes. Learn about your financial worth.
  • Learn the art of investing.
  • Make bucket lists for life, for Melbourne, for everything that you can think of.
  • Accept your mistakes and learn to move forward.
  • Listen, no matter what, you are always worth someone’s time and love. And ofcourse, you are capable of loving someone.
  • It is okay to be selfish.
  • Understand that you can write the best story of your life only by living it wholeheartedly enjoying every moment of it.
  • Keep looking at this list as a reminder and work on it. Keep updating it whenever required.
  • Your goal in life is to be happy not just to be someone’s daughter or sister or wife or anything. 
  • It is okay to be different and thinking like this is NOT A MISTAKE.

Meri Pyaari Bindu

If you are not a fan of Ayushmann Khurana, then be one. Well, Parineeti Chopra is no less but you know, I’m into men. So, Ayushmann it is.

How can a guy be that beautiful? I know it is ‘Handsome’ for men, but one look at him, his perfectly shaped eyebrows, those wonderful eyes and that sad yet soulful smile, makes me say beautiful and wow. More than that, how can he do that magic in every single movie? He is absolutely adorable and yummilicious. I need not say a word about his acting abilities. If not for the fact that he is happily married, i would’ve just believed that Abhi and Bindu are for real. He is that amazing and convincing. 

The movie may be titled after the herione but Ayushmann is the one who captured my heart. This I don’t think is any coincidence. Can i relate to the story? A big YES. If only i was happy in my marriage and had a kid and found out what i can be really good at, the story would’ve been mine. But it isn’t and still, i loved the guy because it remembered me of that guy who was my bestfriend and who loved me like crazy. If it wasn’t something that i have seen and lived, i would’ve probably laughed it off calling it a fictional sob story. But no, things like that happen and people like me break hearts just because we don’t know what we are doing. Just because we aren’t sure if it is right or wrong, we give up. We are confused and most often, are tortured souls who not only torture ourself but also end up doing the same to everyone around us. You see what I’m doing? I end up telling about myself eventually. This is why i call myself a narcissist. By the way, apart from the fact that Parineeti(Bindu) has a picture perfect body, i really think we have real similarities in being confused and breaking hearts. I’m not the wild child but i sure am the confused one. One thing’s for sure that we will always have those memories of our first love in our heart forever no matter how it ends. So, that is what this movie reminds me of.

Anyways, if you have the time, please do go and watch the movie. It is so worth it. I can really say, if you ever had a love story that didn’t work out, you’ll definitely find yourself somewhere in their journey. And if yours is one of those happily​ every after stories, you’ll definitely thank your partner for the clarity they had on life.😆😋 

I NEVER cry at the movies and there i am literally sobbing by the end of the movie. You know, to me, it was a wonderful experience watching it.

Have a great Sunday everyone.

Love, Sahasra.

From the heart

I always thought that it would hurt me the most when I see you with someone else. I thought, the day you move on in life, would be the hardest for me to live. Oh boy, I was so wrong. It is the day I moved on and accepted someone else into my life, that hurt me the most. Thinking of you never created such pain in me. And on this day, when the world celebrated love, you are in my thoughts like never before. I was alone on this day for the last 4 years and I never thought of you like I do now.
For all I know, I have moved on and was ready to lead a life away from you. Even though there are ten thousand uncertainties and countless questions in my mind about the life that I’ll be living, I still wanted to move ahead and take the next step as it is my decision to marry him, just like the way it was my decision to leave you. Be it happiness or sadness, I was ready to face everything that comes my way.
Never did I think that it will be this difficult to accept someone into the place that I’ve given you once. It made me go crazy and left me confused about my feelings all over again. It has been 3 years since I met you in person and almost an year since I spoke to you on phone. And it’s been 5 years since we broke up and life took us in different directions. Your stubbornness and confidence annoyed me to death. But never did I hate you. I never blamed you for anything that happened between us. I always thought that I didn’t love you the way you loved me which is partly why I ended things with you. All that clarity and all that will power never left me until I met guys through these match making processes. I have to agree that I compared every single guy with you and rejected all of them.
This guy Raja, when I met him for the first time, time just flew. Compared to you, he’s not that good looking nor he had that quality of being able to impress me instantly knowing all the right words to say. And despite the fact that your names are slightly similar, I wasn’t reminded of you while we spoke. You always wanted me to call you Raja but for some strange reason, i never called you so. It felt weird to accept a guy with the very same name. But eventually, I did say yes thinking that it wouldn’t matter. Now, everytime i call him by his name, i admit that it feels strange and a lot weird than I have ever imagined.
With all these thoughts, i now wonder if I was ever successful in getting you out of my system? I thought I did and now I’m not sure anymore. I still need to tell you about my wedding and I don’t know how I’m going to break that news to you. More than ever, I now wish you have moved on and found someone who’s worth your time and who could love you back. It would have made things a lot easier.
I sometimes think amidst all of this, did I by any chance fall in love with you and maybe that is why you never leave my thoughts. But then I get my answer, I had n number of times and chances to pick up the phone and drag you back into my life and I never did that. Would I ever leave such a chance if I ever loved you? I don’t think I’m such a big idiot and even if I was, I have had my chances and choose to waste them all.
It’s been a couple of days since I got engaged to Raja and today all of a sudden, you were in my thoughts with all the Valentine’s day commotion around. And tomorrow, I will be telling you about my wedding and I’m not sure how you’re going to take it. I wish it doesn’t hurt you anymore than it did when I broke your heart by leaving you.
I wish I can tell you how important you are to me and how you’ll be in my memories forever. I sometimes wonder if I have made a huge mistake letting you go and marrying this guy when I know how much you loved me. But I’ve made a choice and I choose to live by it. I choose to trust my judgement even though I know that it hurts you like hell. I’m really sorry for that.
Oh my dear best friend, I only wish I can tell you how much you mean to me and how much I missed you all these years. I’m sorry for what I’ve done and sorry again for what I’m about to do.

Love
Sahasra

My name is Kim sam soon

To me, kim sam soon is this perfectly normal girl who is called fat by every k drama person and may be in the world of Koreans.
This lovely girl made me laugh, cry, feel happy and sad. It is the story of how she found her guy and the way she accepted her name. She is one amazing girl who knew what her limitations are and what she wants.
Life is never easy for this girl in the kind of world she lives. Yet, she lives. She lives life to the fullest. Gives her best and if faced with failure, she accepts it and moves ahead.
This girl is a wonderful example for me. If you have to fulfil your dreams, you have to fight head on. Never fear failure and stay behind.  Be it love or career, say it and do it of you need it. The only way one gets a thing is by asking and going for it.
I love the way this girl tells the guy that she loves him. Never once does she think that she isn’t worthy of him. I wouldn’t have respected her this much if she ever doubted herself. She has the feeling that she is fat and even does fad diets too but never once does she consider herself anybit less because of her body.
I’m in awe of this girl. She is a fictional character. But she is wonderful. I’ve seen count less k dramas and she is the best of all the leads I’ve ever seen. If I were to wish for to be any one fictional character, that would be her. I wish I was like her. Like the dough that stretches all by itself without any yeast. Independent, self reliant, yet madly in love and mostly super confident and ferocious.
Love you kim sam soon. Haven’t had a chance to do any research on the actors in the drama, but will do that soon and update the post with enough details. Do watch it if you are interested.
And, I blame sam sooni for making me stay awake till 3 in the morning today and I ended up having severe sinus based headache resulting in me indulging 3 coffees. The client almost ate my head off and found 2 more issues with my reports. I’m banging my head by the end of the day. I will have to deal with that tomorrow, so why think about it and panic now!. Anyways, today’s rule is to not post anything in hurry after 11:30 pm like I’ve been doing since the past 4 days and to move forward my sleep time to some 10:30-11:00 frame. 🙂
Hope you all had a great monday. Take care people. Good night. Bye.

Love
Sahasra

Someone said something that’s truer than truth

How much us women are ready to bear only because
– We don’t want to hurt our parents
– We think about the future of our sisters/ brothers
– What will the society think
– What will happen after divorce
– Most of the time we also go ahead and have a baby thinking things will improve
– And when they don’t we don’t get out of marriage because we want a happy family for the baby!

Smitha said this on IHM’s Blog in response to THIS post.

It struck all the chords and I could relate with most of the points. The difference is just that I’m not yet married.

I really wish my life is just plain and simple. I really wish that the only things I have to worry about are, “how to get a wonderful appraisal at work” or “how to make lots and lots of money by doing something I like” or “how to express my love to the person I adore” or “how to get that super cute dress that I’ve been eyeing for long” but not about “how successful arranged marriages are” or “how bad my parents will feel if I tell them about my views on marriage” or “what does this society do to my little family if I revolted against all these stupid norms” or “the way my parents would feel when I say I need more time to settle”.

And someone also said something that cracked me into laughing. Not sure when and where, but the context is that Mark Zuckerberg would never be able to reach those heights of success if he had to think this badly about how his parents would react and accept his decision to like, love and marry a Chinese(not 100% sure) girl.

His life seems comparatively easier. All he has to think is about code and money! God bless that society. I wish I was born in one such place.

Take Care people.
Sahasra