The death of an IIT scholar reveals the struggle of ambitious women in India
– Trying to fit into both worlds – modern and traditional
– What you want Vs what your parents want
– Wanting to do right by the people who gave their all to you.
– Going against your own better judgements fearing about the world.
– A battle with the brain. The liberal in you Vs the conservatism around you.
– To take or not take the leap – Worried of the consequences and the impact of those consequences on your loved ones – To choose you or the world.
– The conflicting questions like, How much is self-love and when is it called selfishness?
– Why do you need to raise a man when you married one?
– Just because someone’s your husband, why does that give them an upper hand over you. How will that person become respectable just so? And why doesn’t their actions and words count into their respectability scale?
– Why should you accept or respect someone who doesn’t value you or consider you his equal.
– Why is it not your choice to decide when to get married and if at all to get married or not.
– Why is it that it is frowned upon on a choice not to want to have kids?
– There can be ten thousand reasons – One may be grossed out of the process of making a child, birthing a child and most importantly raising a child by giving up the next 20 years of life, if not more.
– Why does almost no one realise that raising a child isn’t child’s play. That it is a damn serious thing.
– Even the best of parents like mine screwed up at times. It is so easy to screw up and when one’s not ready to take that responsibility, they shouldn’t be forced to.
– I don’t know why it is so hard for people to understand simple things like that.
– Marriage, most importantly requires giving up me time for a joint time. For a multitude of reasons, many couldn’t do that.
– The most important reason being, not being able to respect him and not being attracted to him, ensures conflict.
– Marriage is not just a culmination of families or two bodies, but it is of two minds that need to work as one without losing their individuality.
– One more aspect of it is the physical equation. What if you realise you are not sexually attracted to the man and are repulsive to the thought of having him inside you? Why does that feeling become invalid?
– And most importantly, why is divorce such a bad thing? Divorce should be normalised.
– Divorce is a good thing. Something that separates two unhappy individuals and gives them another chance at happiness in life.
– If happy women are a thing, then happily divorced women are also a thing.
– Happily divorced women should not be ostracized. They should be welcomed as individuals who stood for themselves and made a conscious decision to be happy.
– And most importantly, a women’s ambition shouldn’t be a bad thing. It should be as good or bad as a man’s ambition. That’s another minefield to touch.
– The society should stop deciding and teling how an individual should live life and just let them be.
There are enough laws and regulations on this land that can punish people for their mistakes.
The society as a collective entity should stop meddling in an individual’s personal life.