Everything revolves around work – Day 173#

If at all there is one thing that I consistently excelled at since childhood, it is Day Dreaming.

I was always the one who wandered into my own land of dreams every possible minute. My brain, by the basic nature of it, it needs strict deadlines to do things or else any task gets procrastinated and nothing ever gets done.

I’m the master procrastinator. I either need deadlines set by an external medium or either the ones set by myself. I was always an above average student and so my content parents never set any targets for me. And the targets that my teachers set cannot be worked upon as my ego is too big to let some stranger decide my capability. I know, i sound arrogant, rude and naive but i was all of those during my teen years. When I set targets for myself and realised their worth, i always got results. It is only when there is a question about the results and confusion about my target that I procrastinated and day dreamed, which is most of the time.

At work I rarely faced any issue as i take less time to finish things and my pace balanced out the time I wasted. These days I’m wasting a lot more time than usual and working comparitively less which is again making me insecure. Less work always made me insecure. I crave to be overloaded with work so that I know I’m performing. Completing targets at work is such a morale booster which is why I called the other day a good day.

In that sense, i did little or nothing yesterday and it made me feel miserable and i binged on food again. The only good thing that came out of it is i went to bed a little early than usual and woke up early.

Day 173 is a day that involves binge eating, binge watching, no work and a lot of day dreaming. In short, another disaster.

I guess if I’m at work for a minimum of 9 hours everyday, it is going to be the biggest contributor in determining if my day is a success or a disaster. I need to learn to be happy at work and find meaning in my work so that it adds value to my life and eventually leading to my betterment.

But the hows and whys and whatifs are still dancing in my mind. Don’t really know where I’m going with this rant, but yeah, I’m somewhere.πŸ€“πŸ‘©β€πŸ’»πŸ˜€