Sunny Days # Day 174

Some days are good days and some are not. This seems to be a good one.

I think if I try well enough, i can keep my personal life at bay and prevent it fron affecting me. But unless I’m really working or do reasonably well at work, I’m never going to be at peace. These days my personal life is wrecking havoc in my life but a bad day or lazy day at work makes me feel 1000 times worse.

Today is a good day. I’m totally motivated and undistracted. Though there is a minor set back about a credit card, everything else is just good. 3 things that worried me a little are my credit score and sister’s placement anf the thoughts about dealing with the neighbours once he leaves with his furniture. That’s a scary thought. Other than these, I hope I’m like this everyday.

Thank you Dear God. I wish to maintain this pace for a while. And also, i wish sleep comes to me a little early than it usually does. I want to fall in love with the early morning sun like I used to be in childhood. Aah, i envy all those early mornings which now seem impossible. πŸ’†πŸ˜ŽπŸ™…

Keep Fighting. Aja aja. πŸ™…

Smile. It costs nothing.

Relive

I have no clue how people with tough lives and sad memories write memoirs or autobiographies. It is such a painful thing to do. It is almost as if the person is reliving their entire life which is more painful than the original version. Atleast in the original, we just live experiencing pain or any feelings along the way. But while writing, we recollect everything and anything the mind remembers. And you see, this thing called brain is so amazingly weird that it remembers everything that caused you pain but forgets others point of view entirely. In such cases, writing becomes the most painful and tiring activity one has ever performed.

It crushes the soul like anything breaking the heart into millions of pieces every waking minute and day. And at times like this when you realise that there is a pattern in your life and you might have repeated your past mistakes, just kills you. It need not be true but to people like me, everything seems to be wrong or done the wrong way or done for the wrong reasons, in retrospect.

I wish it was easy. 😐 Or atleast, i wish it wasn’t this lonely.